Showing posts with label Celebrities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Celebrities. Show all posts

Saturday, 16 June 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • the Queen had her colours troopped - she said they needed doing they were filthy;
  • David went to Brussels;
  • David said 'eeh I've not been here for ages';
  • Kate ran down a hill;
  • The Queen wore a green outfit; 
  • Meghan went on a day out with the Queen; 
  • Julen got sacked from Spain; 
  • Julen told Real Madrid he could start a bit sooner than he thought if they liked; 
  • Charles and Camilla went to Cork; 
  • Charles and Camilla had a walk along the beach;
  • Camilla walked barefoot on the beach;
  • Camilla said Damn I've just put a hole in these tights;
  • some footballers were in Russia; and
  • Christiano scored some goals.

Saturday, 9 June 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • the Queen went to the races;
  • the Queen said she felt lucky because she found a fiver in her handbag she had forgotten about;
  • Melania didn't go to Camp David;
  • Sean wore some cargo pants; 
  • Theresa met David; 
  • Theresa said ‘I’m sick of you, you’re getting on me nerves’;
  • Bouncy Knowles started her world tour with Kanye – or is it the other one?; 
  • some soap people won some awards;
  • Meghan had a day out with the Queen;
  • the Queen said 'I'm 92 you know';
  • Harry went back to work after his honeymoon; 
  • Harry said ‘eeh that went by dead quick’; 
  • Theresa went to Canada; T
  • Theresa said ‘I’m fed up with that Boris; and
  • Louis quit X Factor – I quit it years ago.

Saturday, 2 June 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Hugh got married;
  • Melania varnished;
  • sorry that should be Melania vanished;
  • BGT continued to sap the energy out of any talent this country might have had;
  • Dec was Ant and Dec;
  • Gordon threw a salmon at a wall - what a strange thing to do;
  • Zinedene packed his job in; and 
  • Matt packed his job in as well;
  • Simon wore a shirt – well most of a shirt; 
  • Rosanne took some sleeping pills; 
  • Apparently racism is a side effect of sleeping pills - I wonder if taking Alka Seltzer makes you a homophobe; 
  • Ronan said he couldn't be bothered to build a stadium;
  • the Queen wore some sunglasses; and
  • Nick and Greg swapped jobs.

Saturday, 26 May 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • the Queen looked at some flowers;
  • the Queen said 'eeh I've been dead busy this week';
  • Roman didn't have a visa;
  • Charles had a garden party for his birthday - I got some socks;
  • Harry got attacked by a bee;
  • Orange Katie was 40 - is that all;
  • Boris had a phone call;
  • Boris said he knew it was a prank call straight away - well after eighteen minutes anyway;
  • Boris wants an airplane; 
  • Boris said he was fed up waiting for Theresa to finish with hers;
  • A1 are re-uniting – the A1 can be a nightmare; 
  • Donald isn’t going to Singapore;
  • Nicola thought she would quite like to be independent again; 
  • Meghan got a new coat for her arms;
  • sorry, that should be Meghan got a new coat of arms; and
  • Daniel is going to be James again.

Saturday, 19 May 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news - royal special
  • Harry and Meghan got married;
  • William was best man for Harry;
  • William said 'I can't believe wor kid got married on cup final day';
  • William said 'I wonder if I can get my phone on in here';
  • the Queen said 'which one is Harry again?'
  • Philip said 'do I have to go?'
  • the Queen told Philip yes he did have to go and she didn't want him disappearing down the pub because if he thought she was doing this on her own he had another think coming';
  • the Queen was cross when she put her foot through her last pair of tights;
  • the Queen told Ann to run round Camilla's and see if she had a spare pair she could borrow;
  • the Queen said if the one with the broken nose was coming to make him stand at the back, cause she said he ruined her pics at Christmas;
  • Ann told the Queen Charles was walking down the aisle;
  • the Queen said 'oh god, who is he marrying now';
  • Charles said 'What's 600 times £4.50 a head?; and
  • the Queen said 'do you think I will be back in time for the 3:30 at Chepstow?

Saturday, 12 May 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • some people went to the Met Gala;
  • apparently, despite the name - there was no bingo at the gala;
  • Amal wore a four foot train - what a funny thing to wear;
  • Rihanna got dressed as the Pope;
  • the Pope said he had never worn anything like that;
  • Boris thought it was time he tried to be Prime Minister again;
  • the Queen went to the Royal Windsor show; 
  • the Queen said ‘eeh I’ve got a house in Windsor and I’m royal’; 
  • Alan got a yacht; 
  • Cheryl can’t have her new extension; 
  • Cheryl phoned SafeStyle to cancel her order; 
  • Meghan got a waxwork;
  • Williams going to do DIY SOS; and
  • Jeremy didn't read the right answer off a screen.

Saturday, 5 May 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Amber packed her job in;
  • Sajid got a new job;
  • Sajid said 'Amber who?';
  • Harry has been going to the gym;
  • Boyzone are going to split - I thought they had split years ago;
  • The Queen flew in a helicopter; 
  • Kevin and Karen are doing the next Strictly; 
  • Sheridan got engaged; 
  • Donald said he was the healthiest person that ever existed; 
  • Meghan said 'do we have to live next door to that Eugenie?';
  • Rio is packing in boxing; and
  • Anthony was the Pope.

Saturday, 21 April 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Gwyneth got married;
  • Chris is having twins;
  • Jessie won X Factor in China;
  • Theresa did loads of apologising;
  • Liam got a beard;
  • Victoria was 44;
  • Meghan might have two wedding dresses – eeh she must have loads of money;
  • Paul isn’t going to do a continental road trip anymore;
  • The Queen made a speech to Commonwealth leaders;
  • The Queen said she thought their Charles should be the next head of the Commonwealth;
  • The Queen said 'it's not like a paper round our Charles, it's a proper job';
  • Arsene left Arsenal – what a coincidence of names;
  • the Queen had a banquet for the heads of the Commonwealth;
  • the Queen told Philip she wanted him back from the pub washed and ready by 5 o'clock
  • The Queen said ‘eeh I wasn’t expecting this many to turn up, I don’t think the Vienetta will stretch’;
  • The Queen said ‘Shouldn’t this Vienetta have a chocolate topping?’; and
  • Mark has an Australian accent – and he isn’t even Australian.

Saturday, 14 April 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Ed broke his arm; 
  • Will.i.am isn't doing The Voice anymore; 
  • Lorraine sold her house; 
  • Donald had his drawers raided; 
  • Mark went to Congress; 
  • Mark got a crash course on ‘How to have a Personality’; 
  • Mark might want to ask for his money back; 
  • Mike did an interview on TV; 
  • Mike fell into a swimming pool during an interview; 
  • Mike said that water is dead wet; 
  • Charles and Camilla are still in Australia; 
  • The Queen did a TV programme with David; 
  • Anne went to see Philip; 
  • Philip said 'eeh your mam's not been near'; 
  • Anne said 'I'm sorry we forgot you were in here'; and 
  • Liam and Cheryl are together this week; 

Saturday, 7 April 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
    • Nicole isn't doing X Factor this year - neither is anyone else, pease make it stop; and
    • Anna isn't going to do Vogue anymore;
    • Tom is going to be Al;
    • Charles had a cup of tea in Brisbane;
    • Pip had a hip op;
    • the Queen said ‘oh I don’t like all that hip hop music, it’s just a noise’;
    • Charles swore; and
    • Emma swore as well - what is going on;
    • Shirley is going to do Strictly; and
    • Anneka might do Strictly;
    • Liam earned £6k last year – that’s not very much;
    • Charles said ‘I name this ship’
    • Camilla said ‘It’s not an “I name this ship” it’s a ‘I open these games’, put your glasses on; and
    • Tom is going to be Al;

      Saturday, 31 March 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Kim went to China;
      • some Australians got wrong for playing cricket; and
      • Boris got wrong off the speaker;
      • Basil got caught for stealing loads of diamonds;
      • the Queen met Kirsti;
      • the Queen said 'location, location location';
      • Kirsti said 'not that Kirstie';
      • Tobias is going to be Philip;
      • the Queen gave away some Maundy money;
      • the Pope said hell didn't exist;
      • the Pope has never been to the Metro Centre of a Good Friday;
      • William went to Poundland;
      • correction - William went to Poundbury; and
      • Philip had a bad hip.

      Saturday, 24 March 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • William had a pint of Guinness:
      • Michael was looking forlorn - or walking down the street unaware he was being photographed as it is sometimes known;
      • Ant has had better weeks;
      • Charles got a carrot;
      • Renee is going to be Judy;
      • Mark lost $5 billion in a day - thats a lot of money, I wonder where it is;  
      • Liam went to Japan; 
      • Liam left Bear behind; 
      • Meghan told Harry to stop smoking; 
      • Meghan told Harry to stop drinking; 
      • Meghan told Harry to get his soldier body back; 
      • Harry said ‘this getting married lark isn’t all it is cracked up to be; 
      • the Queen is dong the London marathon; 
      • correction the Queen is going to start the London marathon; 
      • Harry took Meghan to a pub lunch in Belfast;
      • Meghan said 'What's Irish stew?';
      • Harry said 'Never mind it's on special'; and
      • Melania made some cookies.

      Saturday, 10 March 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Some famous people baked some things; 
      • Simon was tired and disheveled
      • some people won some Oscars – apparently this is very important; 
      • Meghan went to Birmingham; 
      • Meghan said 'eeh yup'
      • Harry said 'that's more your Yorkshire';
      • Donald is going to meet Kim; 
      • Hugh had another baby; 
      • Sid left his flight from Dubai before he had planned to; 
      • the Queen had a party in front of her Aga;
      • correction - the Queen had a party for the Aga; and
      • Ed went tot he races.

      Saturday, 3 March 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Liam is selling his house in America;
      • Meghan went on a visit with Harry, Kate and William; 
      • Meghan said ‘eeh you have to do loads of these visits’; 
      • Boris made one of his little speeches; and 
      • Jeremy and Theresa made speeches as well – mind you can’t get moved for speeches this week; 
      • William is going to the holy land; 
      • Leonardo and Brad are going to make a movie about something or other; 
      • Donald said he didn’t like the look of Theresa’s borders; 
      • Meghan has to pass a UK citizen test; 
        Meghan said ‘this question says to name the Queen of England … is that your nan?; and
      • some people thought it would be quite nice to get an Oscar.

      Saturday, 24 February 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Some people won some BAFTAs;
      • Edward and Sophie went to St Moritz for some skiing; 
      • Henry isn't leader of his party anymore;
      • someone wondered who would lead UKIP this week;
      • Cheryl opened her new Trust Centre;
      • Cheryl said - how many surnames are you allowed - no reason for asking, she just wondered;
      • the Queen went on a visit to the Royal College of Physicians;
      • the Queen said - actually now I'm here it's my back it's been giving me gyp;
      • the Queen went to a fashion show;
      • the Queen said 'eeh is that what they are wearing these days;;
      • the Queen said 'mind I can see our Margaret in that';
      • some people you never heard of got some BRITs;
      • some people pretended BRITs were dead important; 
      • Ant drove into a tree;
      • Theresa was on Richard and Judy - well the new ones that do Richard and Judy;
      • Theresa said 'eeh aren't Holly's questions dead hard';
      • Theresa had a meeting at Chequers; and
      • Victoria hurt her leg.

      Saturday, 17 February 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Jamie lost £71 million - I wonder where it is;
      • Harry and Meghan went to Edinburgh;
      • Harry took Meghan to a sandwich shop;
      • Harry said he was on a budget;
      • Meghan said it is dead cold up here;
      • Theresa went to Belfast;
      • some sports people went dashing around in the snow abroad - and it was dead cold;
      • Alec got a new hip;
      • the Queen met some Tongan rugby players;
      • Helen wore a red dress; and 
      • Kate wore a hairnet; 
      • Jacob said he was packing in being President; 
      • Colleen had a baby; 
      • Boris made a speech so he could be Prime Minister; 
      • Theresa said she wasn’t finished yet; 
      • Theresa met with Angela; and
      • someone won a skeleton at the Olympics - what a funny thing to win.

      Saturday, 10 February 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Jacob got his Rees Mogged; 
      • Darcey pulled her house down;
      • Cheryl won't be dancing on ice any more; 
      • Elon fired off one of his rockets;
      • Kate got her heel caught in a grate; 
      • someone was chosen to sing in Europe; 
      • Donald’s hair blew up in a gust of wind – I don’t mean blew up as in an explosion, I mean as a bit ruffled because it was windy; 
      • the Spice people might be singing some songs – thanks for the warning; 
      • Katie went to Parliament; 
      •  Charles and Camilla had a party; 
      • the Queen wore an orange coat; the Queen ended her Christmas holidays – eeh it’s nearly half-term; 
      • Mel and Sue are only doing two Generation Games; 
      • Donald said he would like a big parade: 
      • Donald said can he not have one of those big furry hats the Russians wear when it’s dead cold out; and
      • Cheryl met Charles and Camilla.

      Saturday, 3 February 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Lionel is going to Scarborough;
      • Theresa went to China; and
      • William and Kate went to Sweden; 
      • Brendan isn't doing Strictly anymore;
      • David saw a brunette;
      • Theresa said she would fight the next election; 
      • Theresa denied the next election would be a week on Tuesday; 
      • David was Theresa and Emily was Jeremy for the day; 
      • Charles and Camilla were on This Morning;
      • Kate and William went to Norway; 
      • Kate said ‘can we not go somewhere hot?’; 
      • Gina got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – that’s taken ages; 
      • Ellen was 60; 
      • Theresa had a cup of tea in China; 
      • Theresa said ‘eeh I’ve got some china to have tea in at home’; 
      •  Kate wore a long floaty white dress; 
      • Kate said ‘I keep catching my heels in the hem of this dress’; and 
      • Donald said his Union was in a State. 

      Saturday, 27 January 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • James had £90 million stolen from his house;
      • James remembered now it was £90 million and the latest iPad that was stolen; 
      • Eugenie got engaged;
      • Britney is going to Scarborough; 
      • Melania isn’t going to Davos; 
      • Melania said she wasn’t keen on Dr Who anyway;
      • Melania stayed in a hotel;
      • Donald said 'Can I go to that President's club, I am a President';
      • Elton is packing in touring;
      • some actors got nominated for some things;
      • Kyle didn't win his tennis match;
      • Andy said 'It's not as easy as it looks';
      • Theresa went to Davos; 
      • Theresa said ‘He’s not here is he?’; 
      • Simon spilled a drink;
      • Denise did the splits; and 
      • Emmanuel said 'sacre bleu me feet's wet'.

      Saturday, 20 January 2018

      Celebrity Week

      This week's celebrity news:
      • Ryan thought he would be Wales manager for a bit;
      • Davina was 50;
      • Donald past his cognitive test; 
      • Donald got 31 out of 30 for his cognitive test; 
      • Kate wore a red coat; 
      • Emmanuel said he would lend us a tapestry; 
      • Theresa met Emmanuel; 
      •  Harry and Meghan went to a castle; 
      • Harry said ‘our nan’s got one of those’; 
      •  Meghan said ‘Do I have to do this stuff all the time’?; 
      • Theresa wore a ratty old coat; 
      • William spent £180 on a haircut; 
      • Boris thought he would quite like to build a 22 mile long bridge; 
      • Boris asked if anyone knew if we had any construction companies in the country; 
      • Ant fell in a ditch; 
      • the Pope went to Peru;
      • the Pope had a flat tyre - well he din't his car did; and
      • the Pope said 'Do I look as though I would have a puncture repair kit on me?'