Showing posts with label Celebrities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Celebrities. Show all posts

Saturday, 17 February 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Jamie lost £71 million - I wonder where it is;
  • Harry and Meghan went to Edinburgh;
  • Harry took Meghan to a sandwich shop;
  • Harry said he was on a budget;
  • Meghan said it is dead cold up here;
  • Theresa went to Belfast;
  • some sports people went dashing around in the snow abroad - and it was dead cold;
  • Alec got a new hip;
  • the Queen met some Tongan rugby players;
  • Helen wore a red dress; and 
  • Kate wore a hairnet; 
  • Jacob said he was packing in being President; 
  • Colleen had a baby; 
  • Boris made a speech so he could be Prime Minister; 
  • Theresa said she wasn’t finished yet; 
  • Theresa met with Angela; and
  • someone won a skeleton at the Olympics - what a funny thing to win.

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Jacob got his Rees Mogged; 
  • Darcey pulled her house down;
  • Cheryl won't be dancing on ice any more; 
  • Elon fired off one of his rockets;
  • Kate got her heel caught in a grate; 
  • someone was chosen to sing in Europe; 
  • Donald’s hair blew up in a gust of wind – I don’t mean blew up as in an explosion, I mean as a bit ruffled because it was windy; 
  • the Spice people might be singing some songs – thanks for the warning; 
  • Katie went to Parliament; 
  •  Charles and Camilla had a party; 
  • the Queen wore an orange coat; the Queen ended her Christmas holidays – eeh it’s nearly half-term; 
  • Mel and Sue are only doing two Generation Games; 
  • Donald said he would like a big parade: 
  • Donald said can he not have one of those big furry hats the Russians wear when it’s dead cold out; and
  • Cheryl met Charles and Camilla.

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Lionel is going to Scarborough;
  • Theresa went to China; and
  • William and Kate went to Sweden; 
  • Brendan isn't doing Strictly anymore;
  • David saw a brunette;
  • Theresa said she would fight the next election; 
  • Theresa denied the next election would be a week on Tuesday; 
  • David was Theresa and Emily was Jeremy for the day; 
  • Charles and Camilla were on This Morning;
  • Kate and William went to Norway; 
  • Kate said ‘can we not go somewhere hot?’; 
  • Gina got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – that’s taken ages; 
  • Ellen was 60; 
  • Theresa had a cup of tea in China; 
  • Theresa said ‘eeh I’ve got some china to have tea in at home’; 
  •  Kate wore a long floaty white dress; 
  • Kate said ‘I keep catching my heels in the hem of this dress’; and 
  • Donald said his Union was in a State. 

Saturday, 27 January 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • James had £90 million stolen from his house;
  • James remembered now it was £90 million and the latest iPad that was stolen; 
  • Eugenie got engaged;
  • Britney is going to Scarborough; 
  • Melania isn’t going to Davos; 
  • Melania said she wasn’t keen on Dr Who anyway;
  • Melania stayed in a hotel;
  • Donald said 'Can I go to that President's club, I am a President';
  • Elton is packing in touring;
  • some actors got nominated for some things;
  • Kyle didn't win his tennis match;
  • Andy said 'It's not as easy as it looks';
  • Theresa went to Davos; 
  • Theresa said ‘He’s not here is he?’; 
  • Simon spilled a drink;
  • Denise did the splits; and 
  • Emmanuel said 'sacre bleu me feet's wet'.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Ryan thought he would be Wales manager for a bit;
  • Davina was 50;
  • Donald past his cognitive test; 
  • Donald got 31 out of 30 for his cognitive test; 
  • Kate wore a red coat; 
  • Emmanuel said he would lend us a tapestry; 
  • Theresa met Emmanuel; 
  •  Harry and Meghan went to a castle; 
  • Harry said ‘our nan’s got one of those’; 
  •  Meghan said ‘Do I have to do this stuff all the time’?; 
  • Theresa wore a ratty old coat; 
  • William spent £180 on a haircut; 
  • Boris thought he would quite like to build a 22 mile long bridge; 
  • Boris asked if anyone knew if we had any construction companies in the country; 
  • Ant fell in a ditch; 
  • the Pope went to Peru;
  • the Pope had a flat tyre - well he din't his car did; and
  • the Pope said 'Do I look as though I would have a puncture repair kit on me?'

Saturday, 13 January 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Theresa thought she would like a new cabinet;
  • some famous people got some globes - what a funny thing to get;
  • Donald had a little fire at his house:
  • Donald said 'book ... what book?';
  • Oprah made a speech; 
  • Nigel said he would quite like to have another referendum; 
  • Nigel just realized his meal ticket ends in a year or so; 
  • Gary proposed to his girlfriend dressed as Winston – Gary was dressed as Winston not his girlfriend; 
  • William said he hadn’t been asked to be best man yet; 
  • Harry said he was thinking of asking Kenny from the Ist Dragoon guards; 
  • Donald had a medical; 
  • Matt packed in doing Strictly on Ice;
  • Donald isn’t coming to London; 
  • Donald said he couldn’t be bothered to open the new US embassy; 
  • Donald said it wasn’t very nice anyway; 
  • the Queen said ‘quick book us up for a week away before he changes his mind’; and
  • The Queen said her crown was dead heavy.

Saturday, 6 January 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Harry went to the French Riviera;
  • Donald said he had a big button; 
  • some people went into the Celebrity Big Brother house;
  • Donald had a nice book written about him, 
  • Ivanka thought she might like to by-pass an election and just become president; 
  • Sam fell off a ladder; 
  • Steve is braggadocious; s
  • ome people were thinking about skating on the telly; 
  • Amanda that used to be Cleo and then married Mike Baldwin is 82; 
  • Tom isn’t going to buy Michael’s house; 
  • Donald likes a McDonalds; 
  • Donald said McDonalds had got his name in it; 
  • Gordon give some tips for eating less when you go to a restaurant;
  • Gordon said his best tip was to eat less;
  • Donald was dead cross; and
  • Donald said he was a very stable genius.

Saturday, 23 December 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Joe won Strictly; and
  • everyone won on The Apprentice;
  • HM Queen Elizabeth sprung a leak - the ship not the person;
  • Philip said 'We haven't got to go to that Royal Variety thing again this year have we?;
  • the Queen said 'No, one of Charles's is doing it;'
  • Philip said 'Charles'eses?'
  • the Queen said 'eeh our mam loved that Max Wall at that Royal Variety';
  • Philip said 'she loved the gin at the Royal Variety';
  • the Queen said 'you never liked our mam';
  • David might have to pull his tree house down; 
  • David is too old for a tree house; 
  • Boris is going to see Vladimir; 
  • Theresa told Damian he would like to spend more time with his family; 
  • Theresa went to Poland; and
  • Camilla had some Strictly people round for tea.

Saturday, 16 December 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Someone you never heard of won something in the jungle; 
  • Some Star Wars people made a new film;
  • Meghan is going to Sandringham for Christmas; 
  • Gwen has a My Little Pony jumper; 
  • Brad and Jennifer have been on some dates; and
  • Jennifer and Alex are getting engaged;
  • Some people were in the Strictly final; 
  • some people were in the Apprentice final; 
  • Shirley will do Strictly again next year; 
  • Theresa went to Brussels again; 
  • Theresa said ‘eeh I’ll be talking like a Brusslesish person soon’; 
  • Justin said he is going to marry Harry - I suppose that’s allowed these days; 
  • Boris had a can of peach juice; 
  • the royal family got ready for Christmas; 
  • Philip said ‘Is Charles bringing that Camilla again this year?’ 
  • the Queen said ‘Don’t start, you know he will be bringing her’; 
  • Philip said ‘Well she better not pinch my chair next to the fire again like she did last year’; 
  • the Queen said ‘Not that again’; and
  • Mark and Michelle are back together after eight months.

Saturday, 9 December 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Theresa went to Brussels; 
  • Theresa said 'ooh I could get my sprouts while I'm here';
  • the Queen launched a big ship;
  • Arlene got a text; 
  • Arlene said ‘eeh I’m not having that’; 
  • Some people are still in the jungle; 
  • Theresa went to Brussels again; 
  • Theresa said ‘don’t let me forget my sprouts this time; 
  • Harry was still engaged to Meghan; 
  • Boris has been whistling; 
  • Theresa went to Brussels at three in the morning; 
  • Theresa said 'stuff this for a game of soldiers'; 
  • Theresa said she was fed up with croissants;
  • Theresa said did they not have no bacon sandwiches;
  • Theresa said ‘What am I getting who for Christmas?’ 
  • Theresa said ‘I’ll tell you what I’m getting Arlene for Christmas .. a fat lip .. that’s what I’m getting her; 
  • Joe left Holby; and
  • Joe said I'd better win this Strictly thing.

Saturday, 2 December 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Harry got engaged;
  • the Queen said 'which one is Harry again?'
  • Philip said he was one of Charles's;
  • the Queen said 'oh right is he Peter?';
  • Philip said 'no man, that's Peter;
  • the Queen said 'Is he the one that married, oh what was her name again they live somewhere like Didcot, or somewhere that begins with a D';
  • Philip said 'No, I've already told you ... look I'm not discussing it anymore, I'm going down the pub';
  • Theresa went to the middle east;
  • Theresa said 'that Donald is getting on my nerves, I've got enough problems without him starting';
  • Thersa said 'I'll smash his face in';
  • Harry and Meghan went to Nottingham - what a funny place to go;
  • Kate went to Kings Cross;
  • Kaley got engaged - eeh mind she's got loads of engagement rings;
  • Madonna got off an airplane; and
  • some people are still in the jungle.

Saturday, 25 November 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • The Queen was married for 70 years; and co-incidentally 
  • Prince Philip was married for 70 years as well;
  • the Queen asked Philip what he had got her for their anniversary;
  • Philip said he hadn't got anything as she had said they wouldn't get presents for each other;
  • the Queen said that's typical of you;
  • the Queen said our mam was right about you;
  • Philip said 'your mam never liked me';
  • Robert was told he had to spend more time with his family;
  • Robert burst into tears;
  • Philip said he didn't know where he was going to get the money from for all this;
  • William and Kate did the Royal Variety;
  • the Queen said 'Ooh I like that show, was Max Wall on, our mam loved him'; 
  • Ant went for a swim in the sea;
  • Theresa went to Brussels; and 
  • Theresa said she never had a minute to herself these days.

Saturday, 18 November 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Mo got his sirknighthoodship;
  • Mo got a big hat;
  • Some people you never heard of headed to the jungle;
  • Boris's dad went into the jungle;
  • the wrong one went into the jungle;
  • Leonardo sold one of his paintings for $450; 
  • Leonardo said ‘eeh that’s a lot of money for one of my paintings’; 
  • Leonardo said he wished he had done a few more n
  • paintings now; 
  • Michael and Boris are friends again; 
  • Boris must really want to be Prime Minister;
  • Theresa was in Gothenburg;
  • Theresa said she was clear ... very clear  ... about something or other;
  • Serena got married.

Saturday, 11 November 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Aston left Strictly;
  • Priti went to Africa; 
  • Priti came back from Africa sooner than she thought;
  • Theresa said 'I'll have no one left at this rate';
  • the Queen said 'eeh have I got that much money';
  • George got a new statue;
  • Louis said his jet wasn't really a jet it was a big car, a big car with wings;
  • Doddy was 90; 
  • Barak turned up for jury duty; 
  • Theresa said she was dead fed up; 
  • Conor went to a boxing match;
  • Conor was told he wasn't supposed to be at a boxing match;
  • Tom got a new chimney; and 
  • Ant and Dec went to Australia.

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Dec was disheveled;
  • Louis won some car race;
  • Prue told us who won the Bake off;
  • Robert got some grey hair;
  • Cheryl is going to do Strictly on Ice;
  • David fixed his freezer;
  • Victoria said can we not get a professional in, we have loads of money;
  • David said had she seen the prices they charge;
  • David and Victoria had a Halloween party; 
  • Victoria said ‘have you fixed that freezer yet’; 
  • Michael said he couldn’t be bothered being Secretary of State anymore; 
  • Julia said she didn’t like her legs being bandied around on the news; 
  • Alex is doing Strictly on Ice; 
  • Donald lost his Twitter account for eleven minutes;
  • the world had its best eleven minutes this year; and 
  • some people were on the Orient Express. 

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Harry went to Lancashire; 
  • Gareth got some new hair;
  • Bruno had a holiday in LA;
  • Bruno was tired;
  • Siobhan said she wasn't that fussed about Elizabeth;
  • Harry went to Copenhagen - Harry gets around;
  • Wayne got some trainers;
  • Wayne said 'who knew there were this many park benches in Liverpool;
  • Nick lost some of his listeners;
  • the Queen said she had been married nearly 70 years;
  • Philip said he thought it seemed longer;
  • Philip said 'Your mam never liked me';
  • the Queen said 'Our mam was right about you'; and
  • Olivia is going to play the Queen because Claire is fed up with it;
  • the Queen said she should try doing it for 70 years;
  • Philip said 'Not that again';
  • Simon fell down the stairs  and
  • Gemma fell through the floor.

Saturday, 21 October 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Theresa went on a surprise trip to Brussels with David;
  • David was surprised Theresa when turned up to go to Brussels with him;
  • David said 'you're not going to cough in my ear all the way there are you?';
  • Theresa and David had dinner with Michel and Jean-Claude;
  • Theresa asked who was paying the bill;
  • Theresa said she didn't have a pudding;
  • Cher is going to do Mamma Mia 2;
  • Ed fell off his bicycle;
  • Meghan met the Queen; 
  • the Queen said ‘Have you come far?’;  
  • Colleen went on holiday;
  • someone left Strictly; and
  • someone left the Apprentice as well; and
  • Angelina walked on a carpet.

Saturday, 14 October 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Some Welsh footballers decided they weren't going to go to Russia; 
  • Theresa said 'If one more person says "It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you off in" I shall get really cross; 
  • the Queen went back to work after her summer holidays - eeh it's nearly Christmas and she just got back; 
  • Donald thought he would take an IQ test; 
  • Brooklyn had an ice cream; 
  • the Queen asked someone to check her purse to make sure she didn’t have any of the old pound coins left; 
  • Sting sold his house in New York; 
  • Ryan is going to do Neighbours;
  • someone left the Apprentice; and 
  • someone won't be doing Bake off anymore;
  • Gloria got an OBE off of the Queen;
  • the Queen said 'ooh I'm thinking of having a winter break can you recommend anywhere?'
  • Gloria said that was Judith; and
  • Nicole might be leaving X Factor.

Saturday, 7 October 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Theresa went to Manchester; 
  • Theresa said 'ooh is this the North, isn't it cold; 
  • Harry thought he would like to captain a football team; 
  • Tyson won't be boxing again; 
  • Theresa asked if anyone had a Fisherman's Friend; 
  • Amber told Boris to stand up and applaud; 
  • Melania wore sunglasses in the evening; 
  • Melania said ‘who put that tree there?’; 
  • some England footballers played football – they are always playing football; 
  • Boris is selling some trophies (not that Boris);
  • Some comedian you have never heard met some nice policemen at a conference;
  • Theresa said ‘What was that that just fell off of the wall’;
  • Wayne pained a park bench;
  • the Queen said it could be dead noisy at Windsor;
  • thw Queen said sometimes she could hardly hear herself think because of them airplanes;
  • Cheryl thought she might do X Factor again; and
  • Olly is going to do The Voice.

Saturday, 30 September 2017

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Some famous people danced on the telly; 
  • Harry held a hand; 
  • Donald (not that Donald) went to Downing street for lunch with Theresa; 
  • Theresa wasn't expecting Doanld; 
  • Theresa said 'eeh I've nothing in we will have to send out for sandwiches, have you got two pounds'; 
  • Theresa was furious because she couldn't sell her airplanes; 
  • Donald said 'Only America First - to be fair he was quite clear about that; 
  • Some people who aren’t famous are going to become Apprentices; 
  • Bruce is going to do another Die Hard; 
  • Theresa went to Estonia; 
  • Theresa said ‘eeh I’ve never been to Estonia it’s dead like Russia; 
  • Henry thought he would quite like to be this week’s leader of UKIP;