Thursday, 31 March 2011

Vests

It is that time of year when thoughts turn to spring and more particularly whether you should move out of your winter vests and into your spring vests.

The wearing of vests is determined by the weather not by a date on a calendar so the change to your 'vestments' can be quite complicated. For example after last years terrible winter I think it was May before I made the switch. This year I feel almost tempted to do it now - well maybe I will think about it over the weekend.

Technical note - originally vests were worn in-between garments (that is over one garment and under another garment not after one garment but before another garment!) and were generally fastened with buttons down the front. I think Charles I introduced this fashion accessory. It wasn't until the 19th Century that a vest would be worn next to the skin.

Hotels

Having spent a number of years staying in hotels in a business capacity, I am often asked my advice on good hotels in a particular area.

There are many ways in which you can decide on whether a hotel is a good hotel or a bad hotel. Lots of things are subjective, for example a 'good' hotel might be 'good' just because it is near where you want to be. Other definitions relate to service, quality of food, ambience, and so on. Some of these things take time to assess and often you are already in the hotel and it is too late to change your mind about staying there.

But there is one way in which you can make an immediate assessment on the suitability or otherwise of a hotel.

It is buttons …

… more specifically - lift buttons.

If your hotel has lift buttons that say 'Press to Ascend' and 'Press to Descend' then you are probably onto a winner.

Buttons that say 'Up' and 'Down' should be avoided.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

The Beatles

I see a US music company has settled a law suit after illegally selling Beatles tunes. They paid $1million dollars. Apparently in the last dew days before being closed down they sold 67,000 Beatles tunes.
How can this be - for goodness sake who is still buying Beatles tunes.  The Beatles split up over 40 years ago, it must be that anyone that ever wanted a Beatles tune has already got it by now.

And even if you haven't, there is no need to buy them from an illegal site - I am sure you can go to the music section of any Department store and have a rummage in their 'bargain tat bin' and find a Beatles Greatest Hits for 50p.

Only if you do find such a thing, do me a favour, leave it there.  If you buy it they will only make more!

Monday, 28 March 2011

Ankles

I have received a request from one of my readers for some advice on a recently noticed men's fashion trend. The trend in question is men sporting bare ankles for the summer (all the rage in the latest fashion magazines) Always a joy to give help and guidance so here goes.

The look has been quite popular in the Laughing Donkey for some time now, but it has to be said only with younger clientele (your blogger's ankles are very firmly covered up thank you very much - although when this look was last fashionable, in the 80s I was known for have quite shapely ankles). 

It is very tempting to get caught up in the excitement of a new fashion, but please consider the following points:
  • Your age is a determining factor in deciding whether you should go for this one: under 20 it is fine between 20 and 30 proceed with caution. If you are over 30 I would suggest you give this one a miss;
  • If you go for it make a critical assessment of your ankles. To carry off this look your ankles should be tanned (no one wants to see your pasty white ankles);
  • If you have hairy ankles (of the Big Foot variety) then this look probably isn't for you. The casual observer may think you are wearing mohair socks;
  • You need to consider trousers you will wear with your newly liberated ankles, if you wear your trousers long, then the look will be pointless as your ankles will be covered and not on display. This might mean buying new trousers to accommodate your ankles (which could be expensive). Should you decide to go down this route, proceed with care. Your new trousers should be cut to accentuate your ankles - not cropped off at mid calf (see previous advice on trying to carry off that look);
  • If you get caught in a rain shower with uncovered ankles, take care to check when you arrive at your destination, rain splashed and stained ankles is not a good look;
  • If you are concerned that uncovered ankles might be a bit cold; remember fashion isn't about comfort it is about looking good - also if this thought has crossed your mind, my guess is you are too old for the look, so abandon the idea immediately.

Toast

Received an interesting question from a regular reader asking about the origin of the expression 'a round of toast'. A curious expression as toast is generally square in shape.

Something for your blogger to investigate.

The origin of expressions is often vague and disputed (that is part of the fascination) but the best I can manage for this particular expression is that it dates to the original invention of the toaster.

The first toasters cooked bread on one side and then it was flipped by hand to toast the other side The Copeman Electric Stove Company introduced (in about 1913) the toaster with automatic bread turner. This toaster turned the bread around without having to touch it. This led to the expression toast 'turned around'.

This is what I have established, but it isn't a very satisfying answer as I have heard the expression 'round of sandwiches' which wouldn't need turning around - but there you have it.

My view is that originally bread was round rather than the square shape stuff we get today so 'round' would be an accurate description of a slice - but that is just my view.

Do you have a favourite expression your would like to know more about? Let me know and your blogger will investigate!

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Ashley Cole

I see Ashley Cole has a new girlfriend.

This wag - Annie - is pretty low down on the A-Z list of celebrities. To let you work out where she isin the scale of things - Hollyoaks actors are pretty near the bottom of the list. Ex-Hollyoaks actors generally have one last go at making a living standing around and talking and will make up the numbers on Reality series.

Our newest wag hasn’t even been in Hollyoaks yet, she is about to join the cast. So there you have it, a definition of a ‘Z Lister’ someone who has yet to join the cast of Hollyoaks!

Riots

Caught a bit of an item on the News tonight.  They were reporting that some rioters were at Fortnum and Mason and the Ritz.

At Fortnums the rioters were pointing in the window and saying 'ooh look, have you seen the price of those'?

But the whole thing it outrageous. In the olden days the Ritz wouldn't have let rioters stay!

Earth Hour

I see we have Earth Hour again this week.  This is an annual event to ... actually the website doesn't  say what it is in aid of.  It does say that it is to raise awareness ... but of what?  I already know we have hours, we have them every day.  Are they saying we are using too many of them?  Or are we not using enough hours?

This is all very confusing. Anyway the idea is that you turn off your electrical appliances for a given hour - for the UK it is 20:30 on Saturday night.  I think we had this all out last year - they haven't thought it through.  I am sorry but that particular time is a crucial moment in the 'getting ready on a Saturday night' experience.  There is no way I stand in the dark for an hour at that particular time.  would it not be better to have it at 4 o'clock in the morning when you are in bed asleep and not using any electricity anyway?

And on the same weekend we (in the UK) put our clocks forward an hour on Sunday. 

This make two events tinkering about with hours within 24 hours!  To solve this difficulty I think I will have my Earth Hour when the clocks go forward.  this will be much more convenient and kill two birds with one stone!

If your interested, Earth Hour is tonight (Saturday 26 March 2011 20:30 GMT)

Kerry

I see Kerry Katona has been interviewed in OK, (I saw it at the checkout, I didn't buy it) ands she is telling us all about the new man in her life - Dan, a property developer.  She tells us she is taking is slow as she doesn't want to frighten him, (I think the boat has already sailed on that one lovey).

But it should be ok as when you look a bit closer you see they are not actually 'dating' they just once happened to be at the same party.

Bit of a worry with the job title though.  Calling yourself a property developer means one of two things, you either have a £10 million portfolio with houses all over the place and raking in a fortune, or you are unemployed and once helped a mate do up his front room.  Apparently this 'Dan' was on some dating TV show (I think he was the cute one) so my guess he is the latter rather than the former!

Friday, 25 March 2011

Celebrity Round-up

Round-up of this week’s celebrity news:
  • Starting not with a celebrity but with the last star, Maggie the cat no longer with us;
  • From the horses mouth, Christopher and Karen are an item, unfortunately the ‘romance’ was described as ‘we are taking it slowly. This means that they are no longer an item but awaiting the final of Dancing on Ice to confirm it is all over and that there never was a romance in the first place, just an unfortunate photo in the papers;
  • Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger have ended their relationship after almost two years. Multiple sources have confirmed the split, however their representatives are yet to officially comment - isn’t it nice when you have ’representatives’;
  • Katy was reunited with Russell after she had been off singing somewhere - but didn’t look too happy about it;
  • Katie fell out of a nightclub drunk with her new boyfriend;
  • Katie says she doesn’t watch ‘that sort of programme’ when asked about her ‘reality’ programme, that makes two of us;
  • Grant Bovey is no longer bankrupt - now he has less time for folding t-shirts;
  • Vanessa’s show is facing the axe - I didn’t know she had a show;
  • David Cassidy is preparing for a 40th anniversary concert in London (yes it is 40 years since he first came to the UK);
  • Cheryl was rather breathlessly compared to Elizabeth Taylor - yes, that will be because of Cherly’s 70 years in the film industry and her Oscar for miming on stage to one of her tunes from her solo album that disappeared without trace;
  • Fern and Philip are speaking again after he sent her a text;

Celebrity Experts!

I see there has been lots of chat from ‘celebrity experts’ about the final resting place for Liz Taylor. These ‘experts’ have been peddling the rumour that the family of Richard Burton wanted Liz to be buried next to him in Wales.

The Burton family have been saying no such thing, as they are fully aware that Richard Burton is buried in Switzerland.

If you are going to call yourself a ‘celebrity expert’ at least get the basics and easily verifiable facts correct!


Butterfield 8 (and Gloria) not Debbie Reynolds favorite film!

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Elizabeth Taylor

Maggie the Cat

Elizabeth Taylor

How To Fold a T-Shirt

So you thought you knew how to fold a t-shirt ... (YouTube so not at work)

Anthea isn't my favourite, but she does know how to demonstrate folding a t-shirt.

Eliza Doolittle

We had Eliza Doolittle on GMTV Daybreak this morning singing her new tune.  Bit disappointed, not once did she say 'Oi'm a good girl oi am'!

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Antiques

If you have ever watched daytime TV, you will no doubt have seen 'antiques' shows where they buy and sell stuff no one wants.  Here is my handy guide to understanding what the jargon means: 
  • highly decorative = cheap and nasty
  • collectable = common
  • very collectable = very common
  • much sought after = not sought after
  • of its time = junk
  • charming = small
  • interesting = boring
  • should retain its value = won't sell
  • arts and crafts = tat
  • lots of interest = one person glanced at it
  • antiques expert = done a few car boot sales
  • Victorian inspired = made last week
  • no great age to it = on sale in Collectables
  • has a good eye = lucky

Monday, 21 March 2011

Spring Clothes

Well the vernal equinox has chimed and we are now officially in spring. It has been a lovely sunny day and I have moved from my deep winter coat into something a little lighter. But be warned, March can have a sting in the tale and it is not unheard of to have snow before the month is out.

If you are thinking about moving out of your winter clothes, here are some handy tips to help you on your way:
  • Put away your winter coat, but have a selection of woollen jumpers to hand to supplement your spring coat should the weather turn a little cold;
  • Your ‘woollen jumpers’ should be light and comfortable for the spring, they should not be that awful jumper your great aunt Maude knitted for you for Christmas (that should have been in the bin on Boxing Day);
  • Spring jumpers should be fashionable and even ’jaunty’ (should you have the flair to carry off such a look);
  • Start putting away your winter clothes now, split your clothes into three categories:
  • 1 - Never to be worn again and destined for North Africa via the charity shop
  • 2 - Your most expensive items to be put away now - put away your favoured items now, the best of the winter season is over so wearing them now will just make observers think you are trying to stretch the season to get you monies worth out of your clothes. Putting them away now will help them fade from your friends memories and surprise and delight them when you bring them out again next winter; this leaves the third category
  • 3 - Your least expensive items - these can help with your spring wardrobe and wont be noticed amongst your new exciting spring clothes. They will probably be in the ’charity shop pile’ on your next clearance so enjoy them for a few more weeks;
  • For clothes you are putting away until next year - ensure you wrap loosely with tissue paper (and no an old Daily Mirror will not do), spray lightly with Chanel and leave to dry fully before putting away.

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Black Holes

That professor Brian chap was on about the universe again and this week he told us about gravity. It was a bit complicated but apparently gravity is quite light on earth, but it gets a bit heavier on other planets.

He then told us about black holes. These are funny places.  They are very heavy but can be the size of an atom, or a lot heavier and the size of a galaxy.

He told us that the densest place in the universe was the centre of a black hole. It is so dense, that light travelling, well at the speed of light, can’t escape it, this makes the centre of a black hole very dense indeed. This is called a Singularity.

Who would have thought a Singularity could get a job on the checkout at Sainsbury’s on the Team Valley!

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Happy Birthday

I don’t normally do birthday mentions in my blog, but just this once for a regular reader and a special occasion.

On 18 March 1941 in our darkest hour, a baby girl was born …

… HAPPY BIRTHDAY Joan

Crocus

Saw a lovely display of purple crocus in the park this morning. My friend from work would have loved them. Although she would probably have trampled them with her horses hooves.

It’s my friend’s horse that has the hooves not my friend!

Friday, 18 March 2011

Celebrity Round up

It's the UK Celebrity night of the year when they can all go out and boost their earnings\do something for charity.  But in case you missed any celebrity hightlights this week:
  • Colleen says she has had enough of Loose Women (haven't we all) and has decided to leave it and do other more exciting projects. This is a happy coincidence as the day before the producers of Loose Women decided that Colleen should leave the show and do other exciting projects;
  • Fern has decided to go to Channel 4 and do a chat show, this is after she left ITV1 in a huff coz Philip was getting more money than she was and he got to do Dancing on Ice;
  • Phil Collins decided he was going to give up music and spend more time with his children - these are the same children he hasn't spent time with for years while he toured the world making millions by banging on drums;
  • William wore a pair of trainers for dinner with Catherine - well I suppose he doesn’t need to bother now she has said she will marry him;
  • Nadine had a few pints and cigarettes to celebrate St Patrick’s day, (it doesn’t mention the bit about going to mass though);
  • Duffy wore a taupe skirt and a jumper with hoops (the jumper was reported to be stripped, but it wasn’t it had hoops);
  • Kelly is going back to the Gym and Alexandra has a new man;
  • Miley Cirus wasn’t drunk;
  • George doesn’t want to do X Factor (Michael not Boy);
  • Kate wore short shorts - and wishes she hadn’t, (Moss not Middleton);
  • Fern says (second entry this week!) that being a presenter isn’t a job for life and presenters should accept they might get chucked now and again. This comes only days after she clawed her way back onto TV in a new show on Channel 4;
  • Enrique is set to host US X Factor (sorry Dermot);
  • The Wanted did a sponsored ‘don’t talk about The Wanted day’ in aid of Comic Relief, I must owe them a fortune as I haven’t been talking about the Wanted for years.

Red Nose Day

Well another Red Nose Day and while I support it I can’t help having a question in the back of my mind …

after years of raising millions from charitable donations added to the millions we give in overseas aid and then the same from other countries around the world, billions must have been given to Africa my question is where is it? Where are all the hospitals, and the schools and the health care and the libraries and the roads, and wells in every village to supply water - where are they?

Anyway I don’t want to get into that political minefield, just report on a couple of events at work today. I have to say that compared to years gone by, there seemed to be less enthusiasm for the Day. Thanks to our relied on colleagues who took time and effort but all I saw were a pile of moth eaten second hand books and a half dozen jam tarts for sale. Maybe I went too late.

But there was one great idea - on the ‘bookstall’ there was an ‘Honesty Box’. Fantastic so I took £2 out to pay for my lunchtime sandwich and left a note in the box saying I had taken it!

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Ready For Spring

As we approach the first day of spring and the end of winter (and a winter that turned out not as bad as we thought it might have in December) here are a few things you should be thinking about:
  • Check on the daffodils in your area, they should be well advanced with a formed bud on show, consider how you are going to encourage the first signs of yellow petals in the next day or two so that your daffodils in your area are in bloom on Monday (you might need to think about hiring stand alone heaters to place at strategic points in your local park to ensure an appropriate display for next week);
  • think about moving out of your thick winter scarves and into something a little lighter and more comfortable for the coming warmer weeks, but not silk or chiffon - it is still too cold for theses materials;
  • As above, consider swapping your winter gloves for something a little more sophisticated and fashionable and not something you are wearing for their warmth, in any case you should not still be wearing mittens, these are only for the coldest of weather (constant minus temperatures or snow on the ground);
  • If you have been avoiding the gym on dark and cold evenings for the last few months - that excuse will now start to look a little thin, it is now time to think of a new excuse for not going to the gym - or alternatively make an achievable plan to actually go!;
  • if you have been using candles to add a bit of winter cheer to darkened rooms,, then these need to be gathered up and put away for next year; (or better still chuck them in the bin - we don't really approve of candles!

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Tea

I am not much of a tea drinker, I never really got a taste for it, but I have been drinking tea over the last couple of years.

I can only drink it if it is quite mild (no builders thick tea for me) (and don't give me all that about fruit teas - they are rotten, fruit berry tea tastes nothing like any berries I have ever eaten).

So I normally stick to my Twinings tea. However recently I thought I would go mad and be really adventurous and try a Tetley's tea, teabag, (or should that just be Tetley's teabag?)

I didn't want to buy a whole box of Tetley's in case I didn't like it so I swapped a Twinings for a Tetley's off a friend at work (note swapped not had one donated so I could try it).

I thought I will have to be careful with my swapped teabag in case I mixed it up accidentally with my Twinings teabags, but I needn't have worried. It was round.

What did it taste like? It was ok, but i think you have to be pretty quick to get the bag out of your cup once you have put boiling water on it and there were tea leaves at the bottom of my cup, how could that have happened. Maybe there was a hole in the bag!

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Wonders of the Universe

Watched the end of last week’s Wonders of the Universe and it was a bit depressing.

That professor chap Brain was on about time and what would happen at the end of the universe. Apparently eventually all the stars will die and fade away (I think he said it was the ultimate expression of the second law of thermo dynamics - or it might have been something else, I was drifting in and out) and he quoted figures of 100s of trillions of years - or as he put it, if you counted every atom in the universe and allowed a year for each atom, it is longer than that.

Which seem like a very long time to me, and once all that time has passed there will just be nothing - he is a laugh a minute that professor chap!

Double Negative

I have long enjoyed the delights of the double negative, never more so than yesterday morning at Sainsbury's delicatessen counter when I over heard the following exchange:

‘Have you not got no chicken breasts’

‘Yes’

‘I will have four then’

We haven’t got any’

‘You just said you had’

‘No I didn’t - I agreed we hadn’t any’

‘I wish you would make up your mind’ and the woman stormed off!

Friday, 11 March 2011

Celebrity Round up

If you have been busy having a life you might have missed this weeks happenings in the world of celebrity:
  • Jessica Biel threw a surprise 30th birthday party for Justin Timberlake, so he chucked her. Apparently their split was amicable and mutual, but more amicable and mutual on his side than hers;
  • Prince Andrew has had better weeks;
  • Princess Anne told Mike Tindall to get his nose fixed because she doesn’t want her photograph taken with a family member with a broken nose. Don’t worry pet, with your family’s track record, he wont be around for long;
  • Kim Kardashian had some chips;
  • Katie Price has a new boyfriend - someone have a word with him will you please;
  • Monica says she is still in love with Bill - give it a rest pet;
  • Ant got decked;
  • Kate Moss smoked a cigarette on the catwalk at a show in France. This is against French law. I have said in the past that this particular empress has no clothes, how she became a top model is beyond me. For some reason she has been allowed to be a constant and heavy user of illegal drugs in this country without the consequences of legal action. This just perpetuates her view of her own importance and leads to breaking the law in total disregard of another county’s laws. If you are going to get paid millions for walking up and down a bit, and be a role model for the young then at least have the decency to realise your good fortune and behave! There I have said it. Oh and by the way, you have a spot on your nose;
  • Ashley isn’t going to get wrong for accidentally taking a gun to work with him and accidentally shooting someone

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Census

The Daily Mail just loves to make a story up where there isn't one, especially if it can raise the outrage of its readers. And if it involves the census, then so much the better. The Daily Mail just loves to be outraged on our behalf about how much information the government holds about us. Leave aside we all love finding out about our distant relatives and are fascinated by such programmes as Who Do You Think You Are - where do they think the information comes from!  (And  Iwon't even get into the fact everyone voluntarily carries personal tracking devices everywhere so our whereabouts are known at all times).

Keeping all this in mind I was ready for a small item in the paper today - but for the life of me I couldn’t work out where they were trying to direct the outrage. The story ran something like “The 32-page form leaps inexplicably from question 16 to 17 and…”

Nope. Read it again and I just can’t see the problem!

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Cards

Popped into a card shop tonight on the way home, (I seem to spend my life in Paperchase) and amongst the cards I noticed a stand full of 'St Patrick's Day cards'.

Now I have nothing against St Patrick, but when did we start sending cards to people to celebrate St Patrick's Day?  And who do you send them too?  Are they like Christmas cards (and regular blog readers will know how complicated that is) or do you just send them to Catholic friends?  Or should you give the cards to people of other religions too? Should I give my Muslim friend a St Patrick's Day card - or will he think I have gone mad.

Oh this is all so confusing, it sounds worse than Christmas cards. I think I will just pretend I didn't go in the shop and have never heard of St Patrick's Day cards!

Prince Andrew

Whenever you see Prince Andrew in the news, you can't help thinking 'What's he done now?', a bit like his dad I suppose. And to be fair ever since he chucked that Fergie he hasn't really known what to do with himself.

In case you missed it, for the last 10 years the Prince has been a bit of a special envoy with rich people for the UK. It was one of Tony Blair's bright ideas to try and keep him busy. The role was created especially for him and he has quite enjoyed doing it. He get to dress up in 'Prince outfits' (that is 'real Prince' outfits, not outfits worn by the purple one) and have tea and things with other Princes. He doesn't go to places like France or Germany where they don't have princes, but likes to go to hot places where they do.

It also keeps him away from that rotter Fergie who is always spending his money. Incidentally I once got talking to one of his daughters in the Laughing Donkey (Beatrice or Eugenie, not sure which one - the one that is doing a History of Art degree at Newcastle University), or at least I thought it was her, turned out it was a trannie called Gloria who works a fruit and veg stall in Grainger market), anyway I digress.

In theory it should all work out quite well, but unfortunately there have been problems. He keeps mixing with people he shouldn't and getting himself into trouble. One of his latest escapades has involved mixing with someone who would have been a guest of Her Majesty (and not in a good way) had he been in this country and is still under official investigation.

In other circumstances Andrew would probably have had the sack by now, but I am not sure you can sack a Prince - can you? And if he did get the sack what would he do!

Zara Phillips

I see Zara Phillips has announced the date of her wedding to rugby player Mike Tindall - 30 July 2011.

Apparently her mother - Princess Anne - has asked Mike to get his nose fixed before the wedding. Flaming cheek!

I hope he told her that he would get his nose done if she would get a new hair-do. She has had that same hair-cut for 40 years!

Wonder why they are getting married in Scotland - the Royal family normally only do that when they have been married before?

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Libya

It has been an up and down week in Libya.

Last week we decided we would think about a military intervention in Libya and then when David Cameron got wrong off the US we decided that we probably wouldn’t take any military action. Then when we realised we didn't have any military equipment we decided that we definitely wouldn't take any military action in Libya.

But then we decided we would take some secret action instead.

It turned out to be of the 'marooning one of our secret nuclear submarines on a sandbank for the whole world to see' and 'having a Royal Navy ship captured by Iranians' sort of secret mission.

This time we secretly sent some of our forces to help out the rebels (in this instance we support the rebels) but unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up and we got captured by the people we were trying to help. Maybe we shouldn't have gone in at night and should have told them we were coming beforehand.

Is it not time we gave up on this military intervention stuff - it is getting a bit embarrassing!

Monday, 7 March 2011

Fergie

I see Fergie has had another one of her ‘momentary moments of madness’ She had one last year when she tried to sell access to Prince Andrew for £500,000 (although why anyone would want access to that buffoon is beyond me) and she had a ‘momentary moment of madness’ when she had photos taken of her having a ‘foot massage’ by a ‘gentleman friend’ when she was married to the Prince. She had several ‘momentary moments of madness’ when she went bankrupt owing £5 million.

Now she has had a ‘momentary moment of madness’ when she took thousands of pounds in cash off someone she shouldn’t be speaking to never mind taking money off! Just how many ‘momentary moments of madness’ can one person have?

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Second Law of Thermo Dynamics

Watched the first half of the wonders of the Universe with that professor chap Dr Brian Cox, (will have to watch the second half another time as had to switch over for results show of dancing on Ice!)

We covered quite a few things in the first half hour. He started off saying that nothing lasts forever, there speaks a man that has never seen Runaway Bride.

Then he went on about time and reminded us about how we calculated time, moon going round the earth and the earth going round the sun etc to get measurable years. But this made me think, there are millions of planets in the universe and if they all have their own solar years as they circulate their suns, does that not mean we have lots of times in the universe and they are all different? So should we not take that into account when we measure the age of the universe? Maybe the universe isn’t as old as we think. Or maybe it is older? This is all very confusing.

Next he showed us a picture of a little red dot on a sheet of black card. He said it was a picture of an explosion of a planet that produced the equivalent light of a million, billion suns! Well I never noticed it.

Then he went on to explain about the second law of thermo dynamics (I wonder what the first law of thermo dynamics is? Is it the one about how energy cannot be created nor destroyed only changed? I think Einstein invented it). Anyway where was I? Oh yes the thermo dynamic thing. I think it means that if you have something that is in perfect order, over time it will fall to pieces, I think it is called entropy. Like when you have spent all day doing the housework but after half an hour it looks like you never bothered. Or when you get ready for a night out and look perfect when you leave the house but look like a bag lady by the time you get home, that I think is the second law of thermo dynamics.

Why didn’t they explain things like this when I went to school - it would have been much easier!

Saturday, 5 March 2011

Wonders of the Universe

Excitement mounts for your blogger with the imminent start of a new series on BBC2 of the Wonders of the Universe with Professor Brian Cox.

Regular readers will know I have been trying to tidy up the universe for a while now and I am hoping this series with that professor chap will sort out one or two problems. I am hoping the universe isn’t as untidy as I had thought and this might save me one or two jobs.

The first programme is about the meaning of time. Always an interesting subject, but I hope it isn’t going to be one of those documentaries that says time doesn’t exist. I find this quite confusing as I know time does exist, and I have several clocks and watches to prove it.

The Wonder of the Universe Sunday 21:00 BBC2

Friday, 4 March 2011

Celebrity Round-up

What you might have missed in Celebrity land this week:
  • Katie went to the Oscars. She always does, I have no idea why as she has never made a film. Well not a proper one anyway;
  • Joan fainted at the Oscars because her dress was too tight;
  • John Galliano has had better weeks;
  • Vanilla Ice got voted off the ice thing, keeping ratbag Denise stil in it;
  • Katie said she didn’t want Pete back (again), which is kind of lucky as he has no plans to go back;
  • Zara got a new hair-do, come on lovey keep up, Catherine is getting way past you;
  • Ashley accidentally shot someone (he accidentally had a gun on him, accidentally picked it up, accidentally aimed it at someone and accidentally pulled the trigger);
  • Ruthie Henshall said someone should make a drama out of her life - no you’re alright pet, we had enough of you on Strictly on Ice;
  • Robbie is going grey and has put a couple of pounds on;
  • Cheryl was going to be doing X Factor in the US and then she wasn’t;
  • Violet, Marcus, Jamie and Todd are all coming back to Coronation Street.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Dear David

I have been thinking about how I can expand the service I offer through my blog. From today I will be happy to investigate those little questions you have always wondered about but have never been able to resolve.

To start with, I have just been posed the following question:

Why are duvet covers closed with buttons or press studs? Zips would be so much easier.

This is a good question and I have no idea of the official reason, but I feel I can offer an opinion.

The zip fastener idea does seem attractive as it would be much easier to fasten. But there are problems. If the zip breaks it will be difficult to replace or repair (when was the last time you saw a four foot zip in a shop? Buttons and press studs are much easier to replace.

Also when positioning your duvet on your bed, I cant help thinking a zip fastened bottom of the duvet will look a bit bulky and not very pleasing to the eye. It could also be quite dangerous should you catch an uncovered toe on a jagged zip tooth.

So I think the answer to this one is that a zip has more downsides than upsides!

If you have one of those little questions you need guidance on (matters of etiquette a speciality) then post a comment on a blog item and I will inverstigate

Boots

Bit of excitement on the 'shopping in Leeds train station' front.

If you have ever been in the Boots store in Leeds station, you will know it is the smallest shop in the world (even smaller than the store that stocks tasteful clothes worn by Katie Price). So it is a daily challenge to get round half a dozen packed isles and find a sandwich without tripping over a small step ladder (why is that ladder always there?) or having to get up close and personal with someone you don't know just to get to the refrigerated cabinets.

So I was delighted to see they have 'knocked through' to next door which has more than doubled the available floor space - oh joy. That is of course until next week when they fill the newly created space (can you create space? Need to think about that one) with two dozen more isles!

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Libya

I try to stay outside the world on politics on here, as it only leads to arguments, but sometimes you just have to say something.

I see David Cameron has stated that he has not ruled out military intervention in Libya.

Have we learned nothing from the last 10 - 20 years (and longer) about going round the world getting involved in the troubles of other countries.

To strike a note of reality into the debate - just exactly what military intervention has Mr C got in mind? Perhaps an aircraft carrier off the Libyan coast? Oh no we haven't got any. Or maybe some jump jets over Tripoli airport? Oh no we haven't got any of them either. Maybe a hugely funded intervention is just what we need ... but then we haven't got any money either.

The rest of the world is already very cross with the UK over events of the last 10 years or so in the middle east and elsewhwere.  Should we not sort things out where we have already made a mess before we start on another country?  Can we not sit this one out?  Maybe let the French or the Germans have a go this time. Oh and can the US keep out as well.