Monday, 28 February 2011

Higgs Bosun

I see they are planning to use that particle accelerator thing (I think it is called the Large Hadron Collider, but since I have never heard of a Small Hadron Collider, then the adjective 'Large' is not required, it should just be the 'Hadron Collder', but I digress) they have under the mountains in Switzerland at CERN.

They have been looking for the Higgs Boson and they think they have a good chance of finding it this week. They did try looking for it about 20 years ago, but they couldn't find it (I wonder where it is?).

Apparently it is quite small which partly explains why they couldn't find it, but they say they don't really know what it looks like which also might explain why it has been difficult to find.

They didn't really explain what they were going to do with it even if they did find it, so it all seems a bit of a waste of time to me - still I am sure they know what they are doing!

Saturday, 26 February 2011

New Dog

Had a visit this morning from her next door. I was ready for her this time, I have bought a packet of Rich Tea biscuits especially for her visits - you give her gypsy creams and she will sit there all day! Anyway she brought their new dog with her for a visit. ‘Oh’ she says ‘did you know we had a new dog’? I thought ‘yeah rotten little yappy thing’ but I just said ‘Oh no I didn’t realise’.

I don’t know what sort it was, but I have to admit it is very cute. It did however bring to mind an unfortunate incident from a couple of years back. They used to have a dog years ago, don’t know what make it was. It was brown. But it was getting on a bit and then the inevitable happened and it died. Their little girl was heartbroken.

Anyway a few weeks later I was chatting to their little girl and she asked ‘David, do dogs go to heaven’?

'No’ I said, ‘No they don’t’.

Her next door went mad and she didn’t speak for a while.

Honestly, you tell one child her dog hasn’t gone to heaven and there is hell on!

Bric-a-brac

I got one of those ‘collecting for charity’ bags through the door the other day. I don’t know about you, but I seem to get one every week, I don’t know how many old clothes they think I have. Anyway this one was quite specific in what they wanted, and what they didn’t want. On the not wanted list was ‘no bric-a-brac‘. I am not even sure what bric-a-brac is, but I don’t like the sound of it and I am quite sure I don’t have any.

This did lead me to look up an official definition:

Bric-à-brac (origin French), first used in the Victorian era, refers to collections of curios such as elaborately decorated teacups and small vases, feathers, wax flowers under glass domes, eggshells, statuettes, painted miniatures or photographs, and so on. Bric-à-brac was used as ornament on mantelpieces, tables, and shelves, or displayed in curio cabinets—sometimes these cabinets have glass doors to display the items within while protecting them from dust.

Well that confirms it, I have no elaborately decorated teacups (apart from my Royal Doulton with hand painted periwinkles) feathers or wax flowers under glass domes.

Still, undeterred and for a worthy cause I did look out one or two items, although I am not sure what the homeless will do with a Bruce Oldfield tie and a matching set of fish knives!

Friday, 25 February 2011

Celebrity Round-up

It has been a busy old week for our celebrities, none of them have done anything interesting, but lots of them have been out and about.  Must be the excitement of the Oscars!  Anyway, this is what you might have missed:
  • Katie was shocked to find out Alex wants £6 million as a settlement following the break up of his year long marriage to Jordan. Katie says it is far too much. It works out at £500,000 a month for living and sleeping with Katie. Sounds about right to me;
  • Andy Carroll went to see Westlife;
  • Fergie and Beatrice had lunch at Gordon Ramsey’s. Maybe when you are facing bankruptcy you should think about going somewhere a little cheaper. Still since she hasn’t been invited to William and Catherine’s wedding, I suppose she has saved a bit on not having to buy a present;
  • Elle MacPherson wore a bikini on holiday;
  • Justin Bieber had a hair cut and sold the off cuts for $7,000;
  • JLS took their shirts off - again. Have you ever thought of keeping them on now and again?
  • David Arquette thought Courtney was having an affair, so he left her;
  • Colleen lost her phone (see earlier blog);
  • Kara, Olly and Lorraine went for a bit of a walk with Dermot in the desert;
  • Catherine (Zeta-Jones not Middleton) went to Gordon’s for lunch after going to the palace for a medal. She only just missed Fergie. Is Gordon’s the only place to go for lunch in London?
  • Christine looked happy holding a baby - calm down Frank, she gave it straight back;
  • Alexandra was in Southend flaunting her body in skimpy outfits (…that’s what it says here …);
  • Katy had a cigarette between songs on her tour in Portugal;
  • Frank denied he drove his car at 91 miles an hour;
  • Kate (Moss not Middleton) had to be taken back stage at he O2 as she felt a little faint, (as faint as a newt apparently), and had to be give some oxygen;

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Bringing Up Baby

News item this morning telling us the cost of raising a child from birth up to age 20. They put the cost at around £220,000. That works out at about £1,000 a month. This can't be right.

After all you can get a colouring book and crayons for a couple of pounds (I know this to be true as I bought one for when her next door comes round for a coffee and half a packet of gypsy creams and brings her two daughters with her - it means we can leave them quietly in the dining room colouring pictures without them ripping my house to pieces) for younger children and for the older ones, cider is only 99p a bottle.

Then once you deduct the money they bring in from milk and paper rounds, birthday money etc I am sure you could run one for a lot less than is suggested by this report!

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Missing Photos

Bit of an item on the news last night about how the Rooney's are being blackmailed by someone who has acquired Colleen's phone with pictures of their baby on it.

The 'blackmail' as it is reported is that the Rooney's have to pay an amount of money or the pictures of their child will be released onto the internet.

Now this is all very distasteful, but I feel I must challenge some of the terminology and concepts being bandied about.

'Blackmail' is an extortion of money with the threat of exposing a criminal or discreditable act. To my knowledge holding pictures of your child is not a criminal or discreditable act so I think this is not blackmail, perhaps extortion is a better description.

But this leads us to the substance of the 'blackmail plot'. I can see the Rooneys wish to protect their child and do not want pictures in the public domain, and I applaud their approach in this matter, well I might if I hadn't already seen the child paraded around a packed football stadium and seen more pictures of the child than I care to think about.

I hate to seem harsh, but do not all babies at that age look the same - I know they don't if they are your own, but other people's? I could put pictures of her next door's youngest on the net and say they were anyone I liked, and who could argue?

And there is the amount of money being extorted - it is reported to be £10,000 a lot of money, but maybe not so much when you (I was going to say 'earn!) are paid £140,000 a week. I am no mathematician, but this equates (to someone earning £30,000 a year) to about £41 so go on colleen, it must be worth that just to get your phone back.

On a day of earthquakes in New Zealand and death on the  Streets in Libya this isn't really a story.

Oh and a word of advice for the future - if you are supposed to be a celebrity who can't live without constant media attention - have a bit of common sense and don't leave pictures on your phone!

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Is It Spring Yet?

It seems like only five minutes since I was asking the question 'Is it Spring Yet' in 2010. But here we are a year later and the question arises again.

If you recall 'last spring', we didn't really have one. We decided to keep winter going until about the back end of April and then went straight into autumn. This year seems a little more promising.

There have been one or two early signs of a change to the season. For example, walking into work in the Leeds office there is much evidence of gentlemen (I say gentlemen, I won't pursue that definition too closely) walking to work with jackets and coats unfastened. The implication being that it is a little warmer than it has been of late.

I thought we had this all out last year. Walking around with your jacket or coat unfastened is not very flattering (unless you are the Count of Monte Christo then a certain degree of cloak flapping is permissible, indeed goes with the title, but I digress). It gives you a somewhat flustered and unkempt look. This is further accentuated if you are actually a bit hot, so much so that you are perspiring and the 'unfastened look' is an attempt to keep cool, and not a fashion statement. This is all wrong.

The correct approach is to change your outer garment for something a little lighter (weight not colour) which will allow you to fasten the coat correctly and arrive at your destination cool, calm and correctly attired.

While I am on the subject and not to stray too far from the subject of Spring, your main winter coat should be fastened with buttons. If your main winter coat sports a 'zip fastener', throw it out immediately. It is fine to have 'secondary coats' with zip fasteners as this can be regarded as being a little frivolous or amusing, but really for a serious winter look, you must have buttons.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I have also noticed a more reliable sign of spring - ten daffodil shoots in a group next to the traffic lights outside the office. This is a little alarming as we all know plants should be arranged in groups of uneven numbers. (Note to Leeds Parks department) but in the meantime I will have to decide whether to plant an extra bulb or take a pair of scissors to one of the shoots!

Monday, 21 February 2011

Stopping Distance

Just a little question to the driver of the black Mondeo who followed me half the way to work this morning. 'Do you know the Stopping Distance at 40 miles per hour?'

I see you have your hand up to let me know you have the answer - please put your hand down again, you do not know the answer.

It has to be said I'm not too sure what the answer is, but I know it isn't four inches!

Friday, 18 February 2011

Trying on Clothes

I give a little fashion advice now and again so I thought I would pass on this observation and tip.

For many men, the great effort involved in buying new clothes means that they do so reluctantly. My observation is that when some men do go clothes shopping, if they ever actually get to the point of trying something on, they are 99% certain to buy the item.

This is because the decision to buy the item has already been made and the act of trying something on is a bit of a formality. This is different to women, where my observation is that trying clothes on is just something women do. The sales assistant has to then work with ladies to push them to that next step of actually parting with money and buying that new dress, top etc.

For men this is often not the case, as said earlier, as a general rule, if a man has got as far as the changing room, he is almost certain to buy the item. I have also observed that generally men only take one item (the item they have already decided to buy) into the changing room. This is a mistake and a missed opportunity.

Let me give you an example. You see a shirt you quite like, or like a lot and you decide to buy it. You think you had better try it on to check it fits so its off to the changing room with your prospective purchase. You put the shirt on, but as you don’t really know what you are supposed to be looking out for, as long as it fits, i.e. the sleeves aren’t past your fingertips, then your purchase is confirmed.

This can mean you end up with something that really doesn’t suit you and when you get home you realise you have made a mistake. You never wear the item and this reinforces your view that shopping is a nightmare and makes you even more reluctant to go shopping again.

Has this happened to you? If so, then try this approach.

Next time you see something you like, look around and take something else in the changing room to try on as well. I can already here you saying, that it is difficult enough to find one thing without trying to find two. This is exactly the point. Let me explain.

You find a shirt you like, now look for another one you sort of like but think ‘It’s not really me’ or ‘It’s a bit more outrageous than I would normally wear’, ’I don’t like the fabric’, ’I’m not sure about the colour’, anything really as long as there is something about it you like.

In the changing room, try on the shirt you do like first, and check, does it fit, is the colour good (e.g. it doesn’t drain all your colour and make you look like Baby Jane Hudson) etc. Now try on the shirt you sort of like. You now have something to compare your first shirt with, now put back on your original preferred choice.

Having done all three things one of several things will occur.

Trying on your second choice might confirm that the shirt you do like is great, in which case job done. It might make you think that actually you don’t like either shirt, so although disappointed, you have saved yourself £100 on buying a shirt you will never wear.

But a third outcome is also possible. This third outcome happens to me at least every other time I buy new clothes. You might find that actually your second choice, the shirt you were going to leave on the clothes rack (or should that be clothes rail) looks better than the one you thought you liked best.

This is a great achievement, you have stopped yourself buying a shirt that you would probably never wear, And you have made a fashion choice and decision. A great day’s work!

Celebrity Round up

A busy week for musicians this week with the Brits on Tuesday - but as Corden was hosting it your blogger wasn’t watching so I have no idea what happened - although I did turn over for a little bit of Adele - timed it perfectly to miss him and see her - fantastic - take that Duffy .. Not Take That, but take that …

Anyway for this weeks otherwise quiet round up of things you shouldn’t have missed …

  • Liz Hurley went on holiday in Australia and wished she hadn't bothered
  • Brain McFadden got a bit annoyed on his holiday flight
  • Katy went on tour without Russell and looked fed up (apparently she would have been more fed up if he had come with her)
  • Coleen couldn't get her car door open
  • Camilla went on the Archers and had a biscuit
  • Victoria said that that if this one isn't a girl she might go on until she has a girl - please make this one a girl
  • Chris Fountain is getting ready to work on Coronation Street (he is playing Tommy Duckworth - Jack and Vera's grandson)
  • David wore yellow socks with a navy suit in New York

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Goal

Seems there was a bit of a football match on TV last night. The morning after coverage concentrated on the winning goal scored by some chap or other. They showed his 'celebration' (whatever one of those is) and he was running around the football pitch (technical term I understand) with his T-shirt over his head.

What a funny thing to do. It seems quite dangerous to me, he could quite easily run into a lamp post!

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Gypsy Weddings

You may or may not have caught the Channel 4 documentary series My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. There has been a bit of a rumpus in the press on how the series makers have taken advantage of travellers and shown them in a bad light leading to an increase in racism and general hostility.

It has to be said that the wedding dresses have been a major factor in the programmes and have caused a bit of amusement - but if you wear a dress so big and heavy you can't move in it and it gives you bruises, I suppose you have to expect a bit of comment. But as far as increasing racism I am not sure that this is true.

Racism feeds on lack of understanding, and the unknown, showing us how life is for travellers can only educate and improve understanding. You might not like the way travellers live, and there are things I just don't understand (then again there are probably things about my life they don't understand) but if that is there way of life - as long as they live within the law - good luck to them.

Travellers appear to have a strong sense of community and a serious commitment to marriage - and we are always being told these are things our society values, so they can't have it all wrong.

So I hesitate to give advice, but my remit for all things sartorial crosses all boundaries, so where there are areas for improvement, traveller or not, then I have to speak.

The most obvious area for comment is the Wedding Dress. I can see how traveller brides have become focused on bigger and 'better' wedding dresses. After all weddings in more mainstream areas cost an enormous amount of money (if 50 years ago you said your wedding cost £30,000 (or the 1960s equivalent) people would have thought you were mad) so is it so surprising that dresses have become more expensive and bigger for travellers? Also the brides marry so young and are almost still children themselves, so why wouldn't they dream of a fairytale princess wedding, and everything a child's dream would entail. This would surely involve a big wedding dress?

That aside the dresses really do need attention. The skirts on the dresses are so full that the bride is isolated in the middle of a sea of taffeta and net. This makes close contact to anyone\the groom impossible and makes 'the first dance' a parody where bride and groom have to stretch arms to the limit to try and hold each other.

This is clearly wrong. A better approach might be to have the fullness of the dress behind (using something like a bustle). This would give the bride a clear flat line (bosoms permitting) at the front of the dress, allowing easy contact with others, and as much fullness\train as the bride wishes behind. The effect would be more dramatic as you would see the full form of the bride surrounded by 'clouds' of dress.

I think I might have a bit of difficulty getting this style adopted, but you can but try!

Gypsy Weddings

You may or may not have caught the Channel 4 documentary series My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, I feel inclined to comment, but this blog is not for getting into areas of controversy .... what to do?

Inflation

You might have noticed that we now have in inflation rate of 4%. The Chancellor said this was down to things going up in price. Thanks for clearing that up George!

Football

Bit of an item on the news about some footballer or other having a physical altercation with the opposing team's management.

The news was very shocked at this terrible behaviour, so shocked that they showed it seven times - and a couple of those times in slow motion so we didn't miss anything. If you are really shocked - here's a thought - don't show it!

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Concierge

When I stay in Leeds I like to drop my bag off at the hotel before going to the office. This saves me taking my bag across the city only to take it back again at the end of the day.

Arriving at my hotel this morning - they have new procedures for when you leave you bag before check-in. The concierge said they would take my bag up to my room if possible before I returned in the evening to check-in.

This sounds like a great new service, but thinking about it further, there are problems. When I return to check-in, I won't know if my bag has been taken up to my room, so I will stall have to go to the concierge to ask him to check. Then if my bag isn't there I still won't know if it has been taken to my room or has been lost!

So I am sorry but this 'new helpful' procedure doesn't save any time and just adds stress. Can we go back to the old procedure of just locking my bag in a cupboard!

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Australia

I was chatting online last night to a friend that is now living in Australia.  Our conversation ended when he said it was Saturday morning and he need to get up and get on with the day and I said it was Friday evening and I needed to go to bed. It's funny that.

It got me thinking about time in Australia, I suppose for most occasions it doesn't really matter what the time is in Australia (to us in the UK) but it is a bit unfair that Australia is always ahead of the UK. 

For example, on New Year's Eve (regular readers will know your blogger isn't that fussed about New Year's Eve - not since 1983 going into 1984 and some rotten ratbag spilled her cherry B and cider down the front of my new white Gucci top at five minutes to midnight - but some people like it), Australia always gets to do it first.  Can we not take turns?  So maybe every other year we would do it first, we could do the even years and Australia could do the odd years.

It might mean changing Greenwich Mean Time a bit, but it is only a painted line on the floor, it wouldn't take much to move it to Sydney and then we could celebrate 2012 first. 

And with us doing the Olympics next year there is a lot to do so I think starting the year first would give us a bit more time to get ready.

Egypt

Well after 18 days of voting Hosni Mubarak has been evicted from Egypt.  Come on Hosni lets have a look at some of your best bits ... oh sorry there aren't any

Mystery Girl

My friend was going on a mystery tour yesterday, but I am a bit concerned.

How will she know when she has arrived? I mean she could be on her way back home thinking she hadn’t been there yet. It won’t be until she gets home that she realises that she has been. It is all very worrying!

Friday, 11 February 2011

Celebrity Catch up

For those of you with lives, here is a round up of the big celebrity news this week. Starting with A list celebrity news:
  • Jude and Sienna split up - Sadie is delighted. According to reports the split is mutual and amicable, although it seems it is more amicable on Sienna’s side than Judes!;
  • Cheryl got a new wheelie bin, and sources say she is getting closer to Ashley. And having just renewed her passport under her married name, who knows!;
  • Russell and Katy are not having problems only moths after getting married. According to their spokespeople (don’t you love it when people have ‘spokespeople) there is no truth in the rumours circulating about trouble with the newlyweds. I give it six months before Russell is in ‘an addiction’ clinic;
  • Leonna got a new nose;
  • Sylvain got voted of Dancing on Ice and Jason nearly got voted off as well!;
  • Katie Price had a night out and wore a pair of Bet Lynch’s old tights; and apparently someone has let slipped to the press that Alex isn’t very nice, wonder who might have done a thing like that - your blogger doesn’t believe a word of it, he seems like a nice decent chap;
  • Kate had lunch with Camilla and apparently Camilla was giving Kate some advice - one can only wonder! If I could give a bit of advice - keep your eye on William on the honeymoon and make sure he isn’t texting anyone! (for those too young and might have missed it - Charles used to phone Camilla from the yacht on his honeymoon with Diana).

Data Storage

I was reading an item on data storage (it isn't as sad as it sounds) and apparently scientists have calculated the amount of data stored in the world. They have come up with a figure of 295 exabytes (to see how much an exabyte is - see below).

This seems quite a lot although I think I have an exabyte of storage in my 'old emails' folder. Still I wonder if they have included the three data sticks and pack of 25 record able CDs I have in my house. Also do you think they have included blank sticks\discs in the calculation? I suppose technically a blank stick has no data on it - but the item is about storage, so a blank stick has potential storage on it. But then a stick that doesn't exist (because no one has made it) would have potential storage on it (if some one made it), so I wonder if they have included these in as well?

Now I am confused - I started the article thinking it was informative - now I know less than I knew when I started it. I don't think they have thought about this properly!

Information Note - Computer storage has traditionally been measured in kilobytes, then megabytes, and now generally gigabytes. After that comes terabytes, petabytes, then exabytes. One exabyte is a billion gigabytes. If that isn't enough One zettabytes is 1000 exabytes).

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Nuclear Submarines

I see the Government has put off until 2015 a decision on whether or not to replace our nuclear weapons. The last time I saw the price, it was going to cost £20 billion for some new nuclear weapons, (the price includes starting mechanisms and servicing for 3 years). But this is quite a lot of money and since we don't have any money, maybe it is something we could do without. After all we haven't used the ones we have got yet - why would you buy new ones!

If the government was a bit worried about not having nuclear weapons, could they not just say we were going to buy them but put them somewhere secret where no one could find them. They could then not buy them and no one would ever know the difference. This might seem a little sneaky, but if you remember there was all that fuss when one of our 'hidden and impossible to find nuclear submarines' got stuck on some sand off the coast of Scotland for all the world to see.

(I know there has always been a bit of tension between the English and the Scottish, but I thought at the time it was a funny place to put a nuclear submarine - should they not be in the middle east somewhere?)

And the press didn't help - they could have just said it was a submarine - they didn't have to tell everyone it was a nuclear submarine.

Don't You Love Daybreak

Caught a bit of GMTV\Daybreak this morning and it was its usual mix of (how can I describe it?) 'light' news items. I noticed Adrian Chiles wasn't on - him and Christine seem to get a lot of days off - but I prefer it when Dan does it anyway.

After all the news footage recently about sexism on the TV, it was interesting to see Dan refer to his lady co-presenter as 'looking gorgeous'. He never said Dr Hilary was looking gorgeous (ok I'll give him that one) but he didn't say the one that does the entertainment news (I think he is called Steve) was looking gorgeous either. And nobody seemed to notice or make a fuss.

First up was an item on Andy Murray, apparently he has pulled out of some tournament or other, and has told fans not to expect too much from him at the World Championships - you're ok mate, I don't think anyone is.

Next we were treated to some lovely video footage of tinie tempah (just in time for a bit of free promotion from Daybreak for his Brits nominations). He was telling us all how fantastic his new album is (do they still call them albums?) and if we listen to it we will be able to 'expand our knowledge of tinie tempah, and maybe learn a bit about ourselves too'! Gee thanks, I can't wait, and all for £7.99 form ASDA.

We then moved onto an item about Justin Bieber being interviewed at his movie premiere. Justin was so keen to tell us he was just an ordinary 16 year old - and if we watch his movie we will see just how ordinary he is. Ah yes, I remember it all so clearly, when I was at the premiere of my movie when I was 16, it seems like only yesterday!

Don't think I can take anymore - it is either go back to bed or go to work. Has anyone got a coin?

Monday, 7 February 2011

Guttering

Him next door is obsessed with DIY. He is always at it doing one thing or another and last summer put new guttering in. I was livid, all bright shiny and new it made mine look a bit tatty. I thought now I will have to get new guttering as well.

He stopped me one day coming out the house just after he had it put in and asked me if I liked it. I said ‘oh I never noticed’ - he didn’t like that. Well for heavens sake - who notices guttering!

He kept saying I should have mine looked at - flaming cheek!

Anyway I never got round to changing it and I thought it will have to do another year. But joy of joys, when we had all that snow at Christmas, as it thawed and slid off the roof, it must have dislodged a corner of his new guttering and it was hanging loose. I couldn’t wait to see him and accidentally point it out.

Its been like that for a month now but we had really strong winds over the weekend and a whole section blew off! I bet he was furious.

When I got home tonight there was scaffolding up and they were fixing it!

I think I will just stick to my original trusty guttering for now and we won’t be hearing anymore about gutters in our street!

Sunday, 6 February 2011

William Hague

William Hague was on the news again this morning - being interviewed about something or other.  But I noticed he was wearing that pink tie with the diamonds on it again.  He always wears that tie - I have never seen him in any other tie and I am sick of the sight of it - it isn't even a nice tie.

Word of advice William - buy another tie, you have plenty of money, you can afford it  And throw that one out!

A Night Out

Bit of a night out last night down the Laughing Donkey. I think it must have been a trannie festival as the place was full of six foot lorry driving ‘ladies’ I have never seen so many size 11 stilettos! I got talking to one, she was called Deidre and she drives a lorry for Eddie Stobart out of Darlington. She asked me if I liked her rabbit fur stole. I said it was very nice and was perfect over her Littlewoods cardigan twin set.

But really, rabbit fur is so last season and I am sure I could smell Febreze!

Anyway things were going well and a good time was being had by all until a hen night from Stockton came it. Eighteen of them all in fancy dress. There was a bit of confusion as the two groups merged and I couldn’t work out who was with who. Things were to get worse.

The Laughing Donkey has a roof terrace for smokers, well I say roof terrace, it is on the roof of an adjoining outhouse and has two pot plants and picnic table. Anyway I was walking past and just about to head downstairs when I heard raised voices. I turned around and looked into the terrace and saw a young trannie dressed as a French maid having and argument with this bruiser dressed as a comedy nurse.

They were shouting and inviting each other outside to sort it. I was just about to go over and point out that technically they were both already outside, but I caught the eye of the nurse and thought better of it.

If I had had my wits about me I would have taken a photo! But I left them to it and a few minutes later the French maid was thrown out by the bouncers.

Celebrity came to the Laughing Donkey a little later in the shape of Miss Betty Legs Diamond (in civvies). She must have finished her show and come in for a drink or two.

Then a group of friends joined us for some late night drinks. Miss D was on sparkling form on coca cola - she thinks I don’t know she keeps a bottle of vodka in her handbag - well I do!

So as the music and laughter fade we said good night to another night of drama, fun and excitement at the Laughing Donkey.

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Changing Times

You may or my not be aware that we are due a national census this year and I was reading an interesting article recently highlighting the questions they asked in years gone by.

One section for completion from the 1911 census required householders to state the ‘Profession or Occupation of persons aged 10 and upwards’.

This brought to mind a TV interview on local news a few days earlier. The subject was government cuts and potential loss of local bus services. The reporter was interviewing a 14 year old boy. The boy stated a decision to scrap local bus services would be a bad thing as it would seriously interrupt his social life.

When I was 14 I didn’t have a social life - how times have changed!

Friday, 4 February 2011

Getting Closure

Bit of an item on Daybreak today with the woman who was sacked for reporting bullying of a child at the school where she worked. Not sure if you have seen this one but it has been on the news quite a bit over recent months. I haven't really followed the events, but I gather it has come to some sort of conclusion.

The issue for the lady in question now is 'she has no closure' she 'can't move on'. We hear this all the time from various people and reasons. I have abit of a tip for you - stop going on television and raking it up again every week. This might help you to get over it!

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Dallas

"Sue Ellen, you are a drunk a tramp and an unfit mother!"

I can't beleive it - Dallas is coming back.

Its the best thing to happen to me since 8 January 2011.

New Planets

Things are moving quite quickly on the universe front. NASA has just announced it thinks it has discovered over 1,000 new planets.

Only 'thinks' it has found 1,000 new planets? How can that be? Planets are quite large and what with the amount of space they take up as they rotate around a star, you would think they would be quite easy to spot and hard to miss.

This is all bad news for your blogger. I have got quite a lot on at the minute and now having to look into a further 1,000 planets I am beginning to wish I hadn't taken all this work on.

This statement from NASA is all a bit vague and I hope we are not going to have a re-run of the debacle over Pluto. As you will recall after all the hype of discovering a new planet in the solar system the 'planet Pluto' was recently demoted to 'dwarf planet'. This got a lot of people quite annoyed (I am still getting letters after I said Pluto was a lump of old rock and said to get over it!), and raising expectations of lots of new planets in this cavalier way can only lead to disappointment!

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Elizabeth Taylor

If you have been thinking you haven't seen Elizabeth Taylor for ages, and wondering what she is doing these days, then wonder no longer.

I have just seen her on the checkout in Boots on Albion street in Leeds. 

Universe

Bit of news on my plans to re order bits of the universe.

I had originally thought I might potter around the universe a bit for six months or so looking for things that need tidying up a bit. But this proved impractical when I saw the size of the universe.

Since then I have been trying to tinker around with the speed of light, (I'd like to speed it up a bit) but it has proved to be quite difficult. I have come to the conclusion that any object with matter cannot travel faster than the current speed of light. In fact the closer you get to the speed of light, the more the laws of the universe slow you down so that you do not exceed that pre-ordained speed limit! This is very frustrating.

My only other line of enquiry is perhaps to try and turn myself into photons. Photons have no mass and can travel at the speed of light, and since they have no mass they require no energy. This is perhaps a little drastic, but it is just a thought at the moment.

On the positive side, it is not essential that I travel around the universe, only that I am made aware of its entire contents. So I could get by without travelling around - I only need some photos. Once I have decided what bit of work needs doing I could leave it to the person in charge to make my suggested changes.

This is a much simpler idea as al I need is a camera with a strong lense on it - I should be able to get one of those quite easily!

Printer

I noticed my printer in the Leeds office is broken … again. Someone has very helpfully put a hand written sign on it to say 'Printer Faulty IT Aware'.

I am not one to take issue on trivial things where meaning is clear, but on this occasion I feel I must. A printer is an inanimate object and has no conscious awareness so it cannot be aware the it is faulty (nor for that matter can it be aware that it is functioning properly).

If the notice is intended to let us know that the IT Team is aware that the printer is faulty then there is perhaps a verb missing (whether the missing word is the singular 'is' or the plural 'are' is an interesting point, although really just a distraction - the answer of course beig 'is', the team is a singular entity although made up of many parts).

If anyone in the office is wondering who added the 'missing word' to the sign - I have no idea.

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Andy Carroll

I don't often comment on the world of football, but there has been a lot of activity in the Newcastle area over the transfer of Andy Carroll for £34 million, so I feel I must join in.

There has been a lot of speculation over whether the player in question put in a transfer or was sold off to the highest bidder to get a bit of pocket money for the club's owner.

A lot of emphasis has been placed on the fact that the player in question is a local lad and it must be his dream to play for Newcastle, so he could not be behind the requested transfer.

I have no idea whether he requested the transfer or not, (but then neither do our so called local radio presenter experts - but that hasn't stopped them expressing an opinion), but the view that a local lad dreams of playing for his local team is naive and out dated. There was a time (think Roy of the Rovers) when such an outcome was every boys dream (well not every boy's dream) but those days are long gone. Football is a business and in the 21st century it is about money, fame and all that goes with it.

I am sure Andy Carroll will be more than happy to pocket his part of the transfer fee and take up with those other selfless souls that think only of club and country in Liverpool.