Sunday, 31 October 2010


I am getting fed up with Halloween. Despite the experience of last year (when Halloween was on a Saturday) and the whole of Newcastle seemed to be out in ‘fancy dress’ and annoying with it, I arranged to go out for a few drinks.

It wasn’t as bad as expected with only about half of the people in the bars making the effort to be ghoulish (I could be wicked and say most weeks it seems most try to achieve that effect, but I won’t).

So things were going ok until I had a bit of a run in with this (lets be generous) lady. She seemed to be enjoying herself drinking and dancing around (mostly on my feet). But I decided to enter into the spirit of the occasion.

I complimented her on her outfit. I said I enjoyed the pastiche and loved the exaggerated hair and ghoulish make-up. I said I admired her courage at attempting to take on such an iconic figure as Liza Minnelli.

She was livid. She said she hadn’t had any pasties and didn’t have a friend called Liza whats her name. And she said that she wasn’t dressed up for Halloween, it was her normal Saturday night look.

Then on the day itself I fell out with her next door. She said I made her daughter burst into floods of tears. That is a gross exaggeration there were two tears, three at most.

She had brought her small daughter (she is about three I think) round ’trick or treating’ (whatever that is). The little girl was dressed as a witch (very appropriate I thought) I looked at her Halloween outfit and all I said was that ‘it lacked imagination‘, and ‘inattention to detail’ because as far as I knew ‘Seventeenth Century witches didn’t wear trainers’.

Anyway an ugly scene followed where her next door gathered up her small child and left and said I could keep my Celebration …

And what exactly is a ‘skinftint’?

Friday, 29 October 2010


In case you haven't noticed it is getting a bit darker in the evening and this weekend we have the joy of turning the clocks back one hour. This happily gives us a weekend with an additional hour. 

But it does mean open season for the same question we get twice a year - should we change the clocks at all. Cue the same old arguments about Scottish farmers not being able to get to school in the dark. I don't know why we have to listen to the same old worn out views twice every year.

Daytime TV (a topic worthy of a blog entry of its own) had 'an expert' on this morning to tell us we shouldn't change our clocks and she trotted out all the old arguments (well she looked quite old so I am sure she has heard them quite a few times) but added a new dimension. Informing us that in France they don't put the clocks back in the autumn and it is much better there, (oblivious to the fact that France is a little further south than the far north of Scotland). Still, undaunted she went on to say we really should adopt this continental approach.

When questioned things became I little less clear. The Chiles person went on 'that must mean we wouldn't change the clocks in spring either'. She looked a bit uncertain at that point, 'yes you would still change the clocks in spring' but when pressed she wasn't sure whether they would go back or forward in the spring.

This can't be right? If we don't put the clocks back in the autumn but put them an hour forward every spring, then in six years time it will be tea time at lunch time. And in 24 years when you go to bed on Saturday night it will be Monday morning when you wake up (or maybe Friday morning I'm not too sure, I was getting a bit lost by this point).

I don't think they have thought this through properly, but I don't suppose it matters as the discussion will come to nothing as usual and we will carry on changing our clocks every spring and autumn.

I will be changing my clock on Friday night in readiness - it may seem a little odd, but it just adds to my charm!

Charlie Chaplin

There is a bit of a story going around about a still from a 1928 Charlie Chaplin (incidentally, one of my heroes) film. The still is purporting to show a woman talking on a mobile phone. This is fuelling speculation that the woman in the picture is a time traveller. 

This is nonsense. There is no point being the only person with a mobile phone – who are you going to call? And without the infrastructure of those pylon things – how would your phone work?

Another non story from our wonderful press.

Oh and just for the record travel in time in a backwards direction, is impossible. To do so would produce a paradox and this would break a fundamental law of the universe (the one that says there can be no paradoxes).

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Halloween - In The Office

With the Halloween weekend approaching we had a 'Halloween themed' day at the office. As you will have seen from previous blogs, I don't really get the Halloween thing, but it seemed to be quite popular with my Leeds colleagues.

We had an array of 'Halloween themed fancy dress' offerings (as an aside an Array is also the collective noun for a group of hedgehogs, but I digress) ranging from the minimalist 'bloody mouth' to full on full outfit efforts.

I have to say I was a bit lost on the connections being made and reflected in the 'Halloween outfits'. For example there were lots of pumpkins, now I don't find pumpkins particularly scary - unless perhaps if I had to eat a whole one, and we had a scary pope (for more information on that pope chap, see earlier blogs on his visit to the UK). But to be fair I think he was a scary Knight Templar. Which I suppose was a bit scary in 12th Century middle east.

We had lots of witches in the office (please no comments) which was quite amusing, but I did get a little uncomfortable whenever three of them congregated together in a meeting.

I think I saw a sacry Gomez Adams - but it was more like an item on Crimewatch.

Although lots of fun there were dangers for the unwary…

… as I complimented one of my colleagues on how nice I thought her 'scary goulish' eye make up was. She got quite cross - how was I supposed to know she wasn't dressed up!

Wednesday, 27 October 2010


Well it has been a few days away from the blog while I keep my Facebook account up to date, but I would hate you to feel you have missed anything important so here are a few things you might not have picked up on:
  • Cheryl sang her new tune ‘live’ on X Factor, but the zebra tights (or were they tiger tights?) were not a good look, I don't think we will see them again (not sure how she kept them up, must have had strong elastic at the top!), and I won't be pleased if all the trannies are wearing them in town on Saturday night!;
  • John was voted out of X Factor - which was a pity as  I was just starting to like him; (and don't vote for that rotter Wagner!)
  • Downton Abbey progresses apace and has become a 'must see' for Sunday night - unfortunately there are only two more episodes and only a vague promise of a second series - how will I get through Sunday nights when it is finished;
  • Couple of must have new tunes out this week (click for the official video on You Tube)
  • Your blogger
    • spent an enjoyable 40 minutes on a stationary train just outside Darlington at 7 o'clock this morning, (please note it was a stationary train, not a stationery train - a stationery train would be something else entirely);
    • has completed his Christmas shopping (apart from one or two small additional items I might have to buy should I make any new friends between now and Christmas!);
    • spent several hours in shoe shops and didn't buy any shoes;
    • spent a little time in St Nicholas Cathedral
    • has realised his biscuit jar needs to be polished - it hasn't been done for ages;
If you want to keep up with my adventures in bite size pieces - then look out for me on Facebook - and let me know what you are doing.

Monday, 25 October 2010

I'm A Celebrity ...

Well the chat about who is going to be in I'm a Celebrity 2010 has started, with the latest gossip stating Stacey Solomon is due to appear in the Australia set reality show.

I think I am missing something, as I understand the concept of the show, it is made up of 'celebrities' that have had a career (of sorts) been out the spotlight for a while and agree to go on the show for a flat fee and hope of reviving their career.

With Stacey we seemed to have missed out the middle bit - the bit about having a career and doing something - she has gone straight from not having a career (in case you have never heard of her she was an X Factor contestant last year) to trying to revive her career by going on the reality show!

Other potentials so far rumored to be on are Lizzie Cundy, Linford Chritie and Gail Porter - will I be watching?  I doubt it.

Friday, 22 October 2010


Earlier this week we found out we were arranging to have Aircraft Carriers with no aircraft on them, today we find out we have a 'secret' submarine that can't go under water!

Christmas - The Office Party

Over the next few weeks I will be posting help and advice for all you need to know about how to handle Christmas.  Some of my posts will be 're-posts' from last year, but check them out for any updated help and information.

It is getting to that time where serious thought has to be given to the work Christmas party. 

In this new post, here is my advice for this festive event.  Whether you work in a shop, a factory or as in my case, an office, the Christmas party is pretty much the same.  The aim is generally to drink as much as possible so with this in mind, consider the following:
  • trial run for new clothes - the Christmas party is a great excuse to buy a new outfit, in fact it is pretty much taken for granted that most people will have a 'new outfit', bought especially for the event.  The outfit (top, dress, shoes whatever) will makes its debut at the party.  This is a mistake.  Something that looks great in the store changing room will not necessarily look great when you are wearing it to an occasion. We have all bought things we have never worn or only worn once.  Finding out that your new outfit drains all your colour and makes you look like Baby Jane Hudson is not something you want the whole office to see.  This does not mean you can turn up in any old tat you feel comfortable in, just that you should consider having a 'trial run' in your new item.  Good excuse for an extra night out and peace of mind that your new outfit looks great.  This is particularly important if you have new shoes.  The last thing you want is to spend the night in agony.  But be careful about stains, tears and scuffs or you will be back to the shops for something new again!
  • the meal - if your work event includes a meal, think very carefully about how you are going to handle this aspect.  Having a three course dinner before you tackle 10 pints of Fosters is not necessarily a good idea.  Consider, is the meal that important to your enjoyment of the night out?  If it is the main reason you are going and you are not so bothered about having a drink, then tuck away.  If the dinner is just the prelude to the part of the event you are most interested in, then consider skipping the meal and joining your colleagues later. As an alternative, attend the meal but only eat part of each course.  This will prevent the 'bloated feeling' after a big meal and stop you wanting to have a lie down for half an hour.
  • drink - whatever your Christmas event consists of, you can be pretty sure it will involve alcohol, and lots of it.  There are always 'tales to tell' the next day and if you don't want any of the tales to be about you, then consider how much you are going to drink and think about setting a limit. This sounds like spoiling the fun, but you could end up wishing you had done it the next day.  One tip you might like to try is to start one drink after everyone else.  This way you will be a little more sober than everyone else but still have plenty to drink.
  • the camera - the curse of the office party has for many years been the camera.  All little indiscretions captured and recorded for posterity, my tip for this used to be, to ensure you were to be one with the camera - annoying to have to carry with you, but it gave you full control over what pictures made it to publication, and more importantly, which ones never saw the light of day.  The widespread availability of camera phones makes this meaningless now, but just keep an eye out for colleagues holding phones!
If you have any worries or concerns about your Christmas party, then drop me a line and I will try to help.

Saturday Coffee Break

Bit of the lovely Claire Grogan this week.

Don’t Talk To Me About Love  love this one

I Could Be Happy

Happy Birthday not so keen on this one - but you have to have it really.

Thursday, 21 October 2010


Well here we are heading towards Halloween and from there it is a very slippery road to Christmas.

I don’t really get Halloween theses days. When I was a lad you hollowed out a turnip, cut out a face and stuck half a candle in it, and that was about it.

Sometimes I think we drew a picture in school, a ‘Halloween’ image of ghosts or ghouls of some sort.

I remember one year painting a witch. I wrote ‘teacher’ above the figure and I got wrong when Miss Smith saw it. I maintain to this day, I only meant that in the olden days people used to go to witches for advice and guidance and maybe the occasional remedy for some everyday ailment. Witches were ‘the teachers’ of the day. I wasn’t calling Miss Smith a witch.

Although she was a rotten old ratbag!

Wednesday, 20 October 2010


Little item on BBC Breakfast this morning about Bewick's swans arriving here from Siberia.  Apparently this is an indication of cold weather to follow.

The interviewer wondered at the swan's remarkable ability to return to the same spot (a wildfowl sanctuary in Gloucestershire) year after year and led to an insightful question 'how do the swans manage to do that'.

This led to the even more insightful response 'they use their memory'

Thanks for clearing that up.

Actually when you look it up - you find they normally arrive in the UK in mid-October - so they are here right on cue making this a non-story.

Defence Review

As we await the Spending Review, we can think over the results of the Defence Review announced yesterday.

The government has concluded that the major threats to this country are cyber attack and terrorism.

To save money we are going to immediately scrap an aircraft carrier, scrap another one we haven't built yet  keep one, but not put any aircraft on it.

This is a strong warning to international cyber attackers - just be warned if you are thinking of trying to attack this country's IT infrastructure, we will have an empty aircraft carrier in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

There that should teach them!

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Wayne Rooney

I see Wayne might be on the move again? Him and Alex haven’t spoken for the last month or so (ever since revelations in the press of night spent with a lady of the night were published - Wayne’s revelations that is, not Alex’s).

But where to go, he isn’t my favourite footballer but I suppose there are only a few clubs he could go to, a couple in Spain and probably Man City and Chelsea in England.

I think we could rule out a foreign club, Wayne struggles with English I can’t see him going local and ordering tapas in Catalan. Man City might be asking for more problems than it solves - so that only really leaves Chelsea… I don’t think that is such a good idea either.

Sorry Wayne but I think you are stuck where you are.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Weight of the World

Interesting question on Countryfile - How much does the world weigh?

I don't know why you would want to know, but it is an interesting question.  I had never thought about how heavy the world might be - but it must be quite heavy, at a guess I'd would say it would be at least four tons (because my car weighs about two tons and there is the weight of my house as well, and I think that is quite heavy)

They went on to explain how it was calculated (over 230 years ago), something about gravitational pull of the earth and the weight of a mountain.  Don't know exactly, as I was drifting off by this point, I think they did it by dropping an apple off a mountain.

If you want to know exactly how they did it - catch it on BBC iPlayer - I think the answer was a billion million million tons - so that is almost what I guessed.

Saturday, 16 October 2010

X Factor - Heroes week

Don’t know what Cheryl has done to her hair - that red is not a good look. And I can’t be sure, but I don’t think it is from the L’Oreal range. If it isn’t, don’t know why she is using a different brand - she must get a discount. Unless Superdrug had an offer on.

One Direction - Simon are you kidding - they are not the best band in the country today. They may be one direction all right - but not the way you hope!

Cher gave one of those performances where your jaw drops - literally. But not in a good way. I thought I had switched over to You’ve Been Framed and they were showing a school concert video. I was waiting for the bit where she fell off the stage. But apparently this is what she intended to do - maybe I’m too old to watch this show!

Don't know what Aiden was doing to that song - but he had a nice colour on his hair! 

That’s as much as I can see this week - there is a drink waiting for me in a bar with my name on it - you didn’t know my middle name was Foster did you!


You will have seem some changes to my blog - they have discontinued the templates I use and I have had to choose form their 'new improved selection'.

Well I don't think they are improved - I was quite happy with the one I was using!

I will experiment with the ones on offer and hope to get one that is pleasing to the eye in due course, please stay with it I am sure we will get there in the end.

In the meantime the content will be the same and  I hope normal service will soon be resumed!


As we now have autumn well and truly with us, it can't be long until Halloween - next weekend in fact.

Your blogger is hoping for a quieter Halloween this year and that there won't be a repeat of last year's ... well lets just call it 'an incident'.

As I told the police at the time, I had taken the meat out of the fridge and I was preparing dinner when the front door bell rang, and I swear I didn't realise I still had a meat cleaver in my hand when I answered the door.

Well, teach the rotten little so and sos right, they don't like it when you give them a fright!

Friday, 15 October 2010

How To Tie A Scarf

It is a little early to be wearing a winter a scarf - but not too soon to think about how you are going to wear your scarves this season.

If you need to know How To Tie A Scarf check out the advice from

Saturday Coffee Break

Sit back and have a bit of Billy Idol

Hot in the City

Rebel Yell

Eyes Without a Face

Olympics 2012

I see some of the ticket prices for the London Olympics have been announced.  If you want to see the men's 100m it will cost you £725 to see it live.

I know that is the premiere event, but £725 is a lot of money for an event that takes 10 seconds from start to finish (£72.50 a second!) - do you think if I asked them, they would run a bit more slowly so I could get my money's worth?

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Christmas Body

There have been a few signs over recent weeks of the approach of Christmas.  As much as I hate to raise the subject at this point in the year, if you are thinking of having a body at Christmas then with only around 10 weeks to go it is perhaps time to start making some plans.

Everyone knows diets don't work; short term gains are quickly lost when the diet ends.  And exercise programmes fail because they are too difficult and take a while to show any results, so people get fed up and stop exercising.

Perhaps it is time for a slightly different approach and try setting more modest, longer term goals.  This could be the key to success.

So for example, if you planned to lose one pound a week from now until Christmas you could lose over half a stone by the middle of December.  You could make it even more achievable by setting a half pound a week target - giving you a five pound loss by the end of the year - a noticeable amount.

Simple to say but how to do it - there are 1,000s of books out there to help but why not try my simple approach.

One pound of fat is 3,500 calories - this is a significant amount and another reason why diets fail, people feel demotivated when they 'only lose one pound in a week'. 

To lose one pound a week you need to:
  • eat 500 calories a day less; or
  • do exercise using up 500 calories; or
  • complete a combination of them both.
This is quite a commitment - but approaching it a day at a time could make it easier.  So each day think about how you are going to achieve your 500 calorie daily target.  One day it might be giving a slice of chocolate cake a miss, another day you might go for a run.  Other days it might be a combination of slightly less to eat and a bit of extra exercise.

This approach also allows for the occasional slip - don't worry about 'having a bad day', just get back on track the next day.

Give it a go and I will see you five pounds lighter at Christmas!

If you want to know what 200 calories looks like

and five minutes on a treadmill at 5 miles an hour = 50 calories

Tuesday, 12 October 2010


Got a new wheelie bin this week.  This one is for recycling, did't think I needed another wheelie bin but the council make you take one.

This one is quite a nice shade of navy blue so I don't mind having it, but I am supposed to use this blue one for recycled items and my existing green one for other household waste. 

I don't think they have thought this one through. Everyone knows Green is for recycling, so they should make the existing one the recycling one.  I think I might write to them and suggest they change over.

Although I don't mind my new bin - it looks a bit big, I will never fill it with recycling stuff every week.  I will have to buy more things so I can put them in the bin!


Watched TV documentary about the 'Big Bang'. Like programmes like that, although they do tend to make your head hurt.

The theme was about Big Bang theory and how thoughts are coming round to the idea that there was something before Big Bang and the Universe wasn't created at that moment.  Don't ask me to explain any further!

They were doing an experiment to try and validate the theory and they wanted to measure  the effect of gravity waves.  They said they could measure to one thousandth of the diameter of a proton.

Well the must have a better tape measure that I've got as I couldn't measure anything like that small.

Monday, 11 October 2010

Queen Elizabeth

Just caught a bit of the news as I passed the TV - said that Queen Elizabeth was in Southampton and that she weighed 92,000 tonnes. I know she has put a bit of weight on recently, but not that much.  How rude!


At the gym today, and you know how you overhear bits of people’s conversations …

… couple of people in the weights room were chatting regulars and one of them was asking the other how things were going. I recognised his friend as a regular, usually have a bit of a chat if I see him and he seems nice enough, but doesn’t have a lot of luck with the ladies. There is always one tale or another to tell, first dates not going so well, not calling back, you get the picture. He tries hard but doesn’t seem to get anywhere, bless him!

His friend was asking him if he was seeing anyone at the moment ...

‘No, got binned again last Tuesday’ (I think binned means ‘chucked’, no longer an item…

‘Oh sorry about that’ commiserated his friend ‘any chance you will sort it out?’

No, don’t think so, I’m going into town now to take her Christmas presents back!’

It being October and having only been out twice, I think I have worked out why he keeps getting chucked!

Sunday, 10 October 2010

X Factor - Live Finals

At last here we are at the live finals - with a bumper two hour show. It is on until after 10 so I won’t see it all - it is Saturday night after all.

Can’t wait to find out what the twist is - maybe it is putting wild cards through to the finals (as covered in all the papers this week) or maybe it is something else …

… now I know what he twist is … wish they hadn’t bothered!- except maybe for Treyc.

Think I’ll skip over Saturdays show - went on far too long so I missed the end - seems to be a race to the bottom. Spoilt for choice over who should leave tonight. Paije, Cher, the Italian one, the checkout woman from Tesco, the one that looks like the lion out of the Wizard of Oz - spoilt for choice.

Strictly need to have a look at how X Factor do results show - I thought Strictly would never get there - took them half an hour to announce Goldie was to leave - they could have done that with an ‘on-screen announcement’.

In the end it was first exit for Nicolo - and as he said he ‘didn’t want to be just a sheep in the herd’ - that would be flock lovely - and you’re not now so guess that is ok.

Katie and FYD have to fight it out for second act to leave - at time of writing, my money is on Katie to go.

Well I got that wrong - with sharp exit for FYD - still Katie won’t last long, don’t think people like her.

Performance from User - liked the boots - or is them what you call sneakers?

Geordie Joe sang his new tune - not sure, maybe it will grow on me.

Next up Downton Abbey - I’m having a very busy night - I’m worn out.

Friday, 8 October 2010

Shadow Cabinet

I see Ed Miliband has announced his shadow cabinet.  Husband and wife team Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper have been given two of the top jobs (Home Office and Foreign Office respectively).

Both of them wanted Chancellor of the Exchequer - but still, not a bad days work.

If Labour was in government this would be quite a smart move by Ed.  Putting Yvette in the Foreign Office would mean she would be out of the way and he would probably never see her again (which is why Gordon put David Milband in the Foreign Office when they were in power) and giving Ed (the other one) the Home Office would mean he would get the blame (and the flak) for everything from immigration to dustbins!

But as they are in opposition there will be less opportunity to enjoy their discomfort - but by the time we get to the next election everyone will be fed up with the two of them - so job done anyway.

And Alan Johnson got the thing they were both after - Chancellor of the Exchequer.   I quite like Alan Johnson, he seems like a nice chap - although he does look a bit like Max Bygraves!

Oh and while I am on the subject of politics, I noticed Teresa May was wearing that rotten pale blue jacket with the funny collar for a TV interview at conference this week (and don't think I didn't spot it!)  for heavens sake splash out on a new suit for work and throw it out. 

Saturday Coffee Break

Time for a break and a few minutes listening to some great classic music from Depeche Mode

enjoy the silence

I just can’t get enough and no - this wasn't originally recorded by The Saturdays!

personal jesus

Wayne and Peter

I see Wayne and Peter are both on holiday trying to repair their relationships following revelations about their private lives.

Is it just me, or are they not supposed to be playing football now that he season has started? You would think when you are being paid £100,000+ a week they would turn up for the occasional game and take their holidays at another time of the year!

Wednesday, 6 October 2010


I had reason to refer to teabags at work today (don't ask) and it was brought to my attention that I have blogged on the subject of teabags before and on that occasion I had taken issue with the term 'teabag'.

The point I made then was that a bag is sealed on three sides with an open end through which you can place or remove an item – ‘teabags’ I have seen, have no open end so are not bags, they should really be called something like ‘sealed paper containers of tea, through which, with the addition of boiled water, a certain amount of infused tea from leaves can flow'.

I did acknowledge that someone with more product marketing skills than me could probably come up with a snappier title - but whatever they are called - they should not be called 'teabags'.

The reason for bringing this to my attention was that I had casually used the term 'teabags' in conversation as if my previous view on the subject had never been made.

I have to put on record that this was not an accidental slip. I have made a conscious decision to accept, in this instance, 'common usage' of the term and to call the offending items by the popular name ‘teabags’.

This is not an example of a drop in standards, merely a reluctant acceptance of the realities and practicalities of everyday life.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Child Benefit

Bit of an uproar from middle class voters over proposed changes to Child Benefit.  Higher earners will lose out and not get the benefit from 2013.  As a compensation the Prime Minister has hinted at tax breaks for those that will lose out.

Am I missing something?  What is the point of scrapping Child Benefit to save £1 billion and then give it back as a tax break?  You might as well leave things the way they are!

The Wedding House

New programme on Channel 4 tonight - The Wedding House. Since I was stuck in Leeds and there was nothing else on I thought I would give it a go.

The basic principle is that each week engaged couples will go to ’The Wedding House’ and with the help of wedding experts they will be given the wedding of their dreams in only a few hours.

Before arriving each of the couples supply their ‘unique’ wedding theme - and the ‘Wedding Experts’ get to work and later in the day the couple are married. Just when you thought you had seen every possible variation on ‘reality TV’ along comes a new variation.

First up was a couple who wanted a Alice in Wonderland wedding. I thought this was going to be the theme for the whole programme - but we went through the whole discuss, arrange and conduct process before the first ad break.

Next up was a couple with a theme I couldn’t quite work out - it looked like ‘Indian Wedding’ maybe it was, but I thought you could arrange that easily enough yourself? Anyway the groom didn’t look too happy with the result. I have to admit I missed a bit as the first part of the programme was so bad I had to turn over, switch the light off and lie in a darkened room for a few minutes while I tried to recover.

Next up was 101 Dalmatians theme. Now don’t get me wrong I like Dalmatians, I think they are quite cute and a little mad, but I am not sure it is such a good idea to have them as a theme to a wedding . Anyway it soon became clear that the bride was a lot fonder of her dogs than she was of her groom. The lady conducting the ceremony tried to point out to the bride that the vows they wrote and were to make in front of each other really should be about your partner - and shouldn’t really mention the dogs. The bride just looked bemused at the thought and took no notice. Think I need to watch this on replay as I think she might have married her dog.

The last couple were a bit …, how can I put it without being unkind? I know, a bit boring. Couldn’t wait to see what these two ‘Amateur Dramatics’ loving people chose as their theme. I don’t think they actually chose their theme I think the planner man chose it for them and he came up with a Moulin Rouge’ theme.

It is difficult to describe the looks on the faces of the guests as they arrived for this final wedding - horrified is the closest I can get.

Worse was to come - the groom, who was the most nervous groom you could imagine - entered and started to sing. For a moment I thought we had gone back to the Dalmatians theme, but we hadn’t - it was the bride joining in.

At least I thought if the themes were a bit lacking then the setting would be great - after all the house looked fabulous. But the wedding rooms were a bit of a let down. They looked like store rooms at the back of the house. And can you remember that programme that was on a few years ago on daytime TV - a bit like Changing Rooms, but when they came to your house they gave it a make over, but only used items they could find in your garage or spare room, old tins of paint and broken chairs? Well that’s what the stuff they used to set the stage for the weddings looked like.

Another triumph for Channel 4 - will I watch again next week? Probably!

Sunday, 3 October 2010

Weekend Sport

The Ryder Cup is limping to a close with an extra day added to make up time lost due to all the rain. Who’s bright idea was it to hold a golfing tournament in Wales in October!

And the Commonwealth Games got off to a spectacular start with an exciting opening ceremony.

Well it might have been an exciting opening ceremony - I have no idea. I tried watching a bit of it, but all that banging of drums when you have a hangover was getting on my nerves so I switched it off!

Best not mention Newcastle - but you really need to start winning a few games!

X Factor - Judges Houses

Judges houses this week and the last chance to pick the finalists for the live shows. The over 28 group has to be the most difficult. Usually it is a case of ‘how can you choose just three’. This year in this category it is ‘how are you going to find three!’ Still at least the vile Sharon Osbourne had to sit through the group with Louis.

Bit of a surprise that both of the groups created by Simon (I think it was both of them, I lost track a bit) from solo singers got through to the live finals - or maybe it is not a surprise.

Cheryl what you playing at - you picked that one the papers say looks like you - when she looks nothing like you - maybe your nan at a push - and left out Treyc. Can’t believe it. One other thing - that Cher is as mad as a box of frogs.

And you took that one that looks like Madonna from Papa Don’t Preach days - still it might mean when someone makes her over they can give her a decent haircut and colour. But you did pick Rebecca so you might have a chance of winning.

Louis looks like you got stuck with the wooden spoon again - the over 28s are so bad. It could be all over for Louis in three weeks!

Trailer for next week says there is a twist - wonder what it is …

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Strictly No Dancing

It is Strictly No Dancing for me it’s not my favourite so I won’t be watching. But I did see a bit tonight and if you want to know what it is like to drag a sack of potatoes round a dance floor watch again on BBC iPlayer to see Antone du Beke try and do something with Ann Widdecombe.

Oh and Ann one tiny bit of advice, you need to splash out on a new bra - and this time get one that fits!