Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Wrist band

Went out with some friends on Bank Holiday Monday Sunday night. We were going to an event being organised by (well lets just call them ‘special interest’) bars where they cordon off an area between the bars and have some outside entertainment. Entry to said area is secured by the purchase of a wrist band - at a cost of £5 I’ll have you know.

Now I am not one to complain, you know me, but the wrist band was pink and it didn’t really go with my carefully selected outfit, but still not one to be deterred I decided in the circumstances I would wear it. That’s when the difficulties started. There were no instructions on the wrist band so I had to ask one of my friends to help out, which he did and with this little diversion sorted I was all set to enjoy a great evening of entertainment.

It was at this point that I noticed something, or at least I noticed the lack of something - like people. Apart from a few of bored policemen and a couple of trannies that have seen better days, we were the only ones there. I have to admit it was pretty cold standing outside, but still you would have thought someone would have turned up. Still not to be put off … we went inside.
It was much busier indoors, and warmer, but I had paid £5 to stand outside and I wanted my monies worth, so we had to keep going out to see if anything was happening - but it wasn’t.

Apparently we had missed Lonnie Gordon, she was the headline act - and I don’t even like her - I only like ‘Happening All Over Again’ and I prefer the Young Divas version.
It was at this point one of my friends decided to sing karaoke - something by Frank Sinatra I think. But the funny thing was I didn’t see or hear anyone else singing all evening so I am not even sure the bar had karaoke on!

There was a bit more entertainment later on with a half hour set from Nicci French, not sure how she managed to keep it going for half an hour, she only had one hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart” and that was a cover.

Still after 20 pints of lager you don’t really mind and a good time was had - but I still want my £5s worth and I’m keeping the wristband on till next year!

Monday, 30 August 2010

Dolly Parton

Got a message from a friend from Leeds work on my post about Kylie. She said that the last concert she went to was to see Dolly Parton.

I don’t really do country and western but I love Dolly, she is beautiful, talented and one of the greatest showgirls and still performing well into her 60s.

And don't forget she wrote 'I Will Always Love You' the song that mate Whitney an international superstar and the only other person that can sing that song.

Sit back and listen to ... (are there more heartbreaking lyrics than these?)

Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

And the lovely Olivia Newton John giving it a go.

here you come again - hell of an outfit!

Islands in the Stream

Saturday, 28 August 2010

X Factor - Week 2

Week two of X Factor 2010 and I have a bit of a sinking feeling. They generally show the best auditions in the first week to get you hooked, so if last week was the best, it is going to be a long haul to the live finals.

Question in everyones mind - Is it this week we see Cheryl pass out with malaria?

As I thought, a poor selection tonight, and really it is just cruel to put some of these auditions on TV. Even some of the good ones (in terms of how they sing, not necessarily what they sing) it is just cruel to lead them on - they are going to come to nothing.

And it is a well known fact that if you take your shoes off it helps you sing.

Still that's why we watch it - and there was that group singing Cheryl's tune!

Thursday, 26 August 2010


Well the Bank Holiday weekend is almost here, so treat yourself to 10 minutes of 80s\90s music and video from Kylie. Put it on a big screen so you can see it in all its glorious detail. Sit back and enjoy!

Just for interest and another little bit of me you never knew ...

You often see those 10 minute profiles of various people you work with and a popular question is 'What was the last live concert you went to?' The answer is always dreary Oasis or some other band you have never heard of (especially when responded to by people of a certain age). Well mine wasn't - the last person I saw live was Kylie (Pixie Lott doesn't count - she wasn't singing).

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Don't You Love GMTV

GMTV breathlessly reported the arrival of he Cameron's baby this morning. Telling us that the birth was a surprise as it was three weeks early and happened whilst on holiday in Cornwall.

They went on to reveal that the Camerons had chosen Cornwall as a holiday destination as they needed to be near a hospital.

Ah yes, Cornwall is very well known for its unique selling point as being somewhere that is near a hospital. Who makes up this rubbish.

Still the Camerons are looking for a name for their new daughter, what about Cherie? That's a pretty name. They also want a name with a Cornish connection - what about Pasty?

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Bank Holiday

I thought it might be useful to re-post a blog I wrote just before the Easter holiday, but brought up to date for the August Bank Holiday.

To save you a bit of time looking up information on the internet or watching reports on the TV, the travel\weather report for the holiday weekend is given below:
  • It will be cold
  • It will rain
  • There will be lots of cars on the road on Saturday
  • There will be even more cars on the road on Friday for ‘early getaway’ holiday makers
  • The trains into London will be busy
  • The trains out of London will be busy
  • The trains out of London will be delayed due to works on the tracks
  • The motorways will be busy on Friday
  • The motorways will be busy on Monday
  • Blackpool will be cold, windy and full of hen\stag parties
  • The Lake District is in the middle of nowhere – the roads to the Lake District will be busy
  • It will rain all day long in the Lake District – that is why it is full of Lakes

How do I know all this?

I know it because it is the same every Bank Holiday – so why do news programmes continue to give us this information – it is not News.

I hope this weather\travel service has been helpful and saved you sometime.


It's the men's boot for the Autumn 2010 season. It's from Burberry. It's got overtones of aviator-cool, with a shearling lining that is going to turn heads.
It's perfect for the redefined men's military fashion trend.

How To Choose A Tie

Chatting to a friend at work the question of how to select a tie for work arose. I thought it a good subject for some useful advice.

For the colour challenged!
In the business world, a statement of class is an indication of worth and trust. Make your tie reflect all this! It is an indicator of your personality, position and sense of style. If you work in a conformist environment, it is usually solid, dark colours with diagonal or pin stripes. For the artist or entertainment, it is more trendy, silk and flashy. The most important factors in buying men’s ties are colour, size, width and style.

Colours and patterns
Solids are sharp, striking and elegant, especially when made with woven silk. Brick tone colours, red, dark blue and burgundy are bold colours. Both solids and brick tone colours are appropriate for the corporate environment. Bold and simple patterns with pin or diagonal stripes are often better for the corporate office. Dots should be avoided when too visible but subtle dots in solid colours make a statement of class. For all occasions, avoid ties with pictures or cartoons!

Size and width
The proper width for a tie in general is around 8-9 cm (3.75") and the standard tie length is 130-150 cm (51-59") and anywhere within that range would be fine. A tie connoisseur might like to buy a variety of widths to stay in tune with the fashion. The quality of a tie is reflected in the cut across the fabric that allows the tie to fall straightforward after the knot has been tied.

Combination with shirt and suit
Make sure that your tie perfectly matches your suit or jacket and trouser styles and colours. A rich style can be achieved with solid and striped ties in combination with a similar-toned shirt. Patterns and textures of clothing should be matched with the tie. A patterned tie goes well with a solid shirt and vice-versa. It is also important to match the hue and brightness of the tie and shirt - a dark shirt is sobered by lighter coloured tie and vice versa. The standard pair of dark blue and dark red coloured-ties can always be trusted to fit any combination.

Choosing a material
Cotton ties are suitable for wearing to office regularly but business meetings or conferences require silk ties that stand out.
Inspect the tie's lining, which provides its shape and bulk. The tie should be lined to the tips.

Face and skin
In general, striped ties go well with sharp and angled faces and dotted and paisley-printed ties with round faces. Solid colours are for every face!

Final Words on Proper Dress Attire
Finally, as always in fashion, occasion must dictate choice. How conservative or how expressive you wish to be in your choice of tie must be decided keeping in mind the occasion. A job interview or high-level business meeting should always reflect conservative choices - a dark-colour shirt or suit with a light-toned tie in the same or complementary hue is the way to go. For more light-hearted occasions, you might experiment with striped tie and shirt and a clash of colours! As a last word, before buying your tie, check for lose threads, stains or uneven weavings.


Watched a mildly interesting TV programme the other night.

The show was about two weight loss\diet 'experts', who use different approaches to achieve their results. The point of the programme was to decide who had the better approach. One of the experts used a high intensity exercise regime with strict diet control while the other concentrated on the mind and worked with you to change the way you look at food and therefore achieve weight loss as you learn to reject 'unhealthy\fattening' foods.

The differences in approach and styles of the experts were clearly hyped up to make the programme more entertaining, (the fitness expert was alpha male border line aggressive who continually dismissed the other expert's approach as witchcraft and nonsense. While the lady taking a more intellectual approach was shown as a bit too gentle and unassertive), so we were set up to watch them battle it out, with two dieting guinea pigs caught in the middle.

The concept of the programme was interesting, but was fatally flawed, the reality is you need to do both things: change the way you think of food with exercise, and eating less to achieve weight loss. Doing one without the other will not give lasting results.

You cannot 'think yourself thin'. This breaks a fundamental law of the universe. Energy cannot be created and it cannot be destroyed, so if you have too much weight (and weight equals energy) you cannot think it away you need to use up the energy, e.g. change it from fat store on your body to expressed energy as you exercise and move your body.

So although I enjoyed the programme, it was a waste of time.

For interest, the two ladies dieting were exactly the same weight at the start, but after six weeks with their allotted expert, the lady on the exercise regime lost 22 pounds and the other lady lost 8 pounds.

This gave the alpha male lots to crow about - but he missed the point, and I doubt he would ever get it.

Sunday, 22 August 2010


I recently commented on 'uninventions' suggesting a couple of things I thought should be 'uninvented'.

The blog drew quite a response with suggestions for other things that should be 'uninvented and I heartily agreed with them all - top of the list though has to be James Corden.

What a pointless addition to the world of comedy he is. OK he was in the mediocre Gavin and Stacey, which probably only stood out as a great programme on BBC3 as there was no competition (the marvelous Alison Steadman aside of course). But he is just not funny and I have seen him on a couple of things and as well as unfunny I find him quite aggressive.

I don't think the BBC have anymore Gavin and Stacey planned so perhaps we will see the end of Cordon as I can't see anyone wanting to pay money to see him once they realise he has no talent.

Cherry Tree

You might remember earlier this year I reported the arrival of a Cherry tree in my garden.

I wasn't totally happy with the result, (see April blog) but now I have noticed one of its leaves has turned red.

Don't get me wrong, it is a very nice shade of red, but I will not have my trees losing their leaves in August!

It was bad enough having the embarrassment of a tree with slightly too large and too bright blossom without having a tree that is first to lose its leaves in my street, this is the final straw it will have to go.


I see Tesco are to launch a new ‘drive-thru’ service at some supermarkets.

The service (for a flat £2 fee) will allow you to pick up your shopping without leaving your car and is aimed at people who do not have the time to be available in their own homes for on-line delivery.

Not sure I understand this, if you can leave your house to go to the supermarket to pick it up, why can’t you just stay in and have it delivered?

Also if you are going to the supermarket to pick it up, why not walk the extra ten feet and pick your items off the shelves?

I think this is going too far, the next idea from Tesco will be to create an area where you can pick up your weeks shopping in your car, park up and eat it all in one go to save you the bother of unpacking it and putting it in your kitchen cupboards.

Actually that isn’t a bad idea, I must write to Tesco!

Saturday, 21 August 2010

X Factor 2010 Starts

Well here we go again - another August and another X Factor.

How will I cope without Dannii this year, but there are lots of guest judges to make up for her absence. This is probably a relief for Dannii as she will not want anyone to get too comfortable in her place as she will want to come back next year.

Not a fan of the audition stages - but I will be watching, of course. Is it this week we get to see Cheryl pass out because she was bitten by a mosqwheeto?

Some observations from this first show:
  • What has Louis done to his hair;
  • Where did they get Geri Halliwell from - she is so past her sell by date - give it up!
  • Didn’t catch her name, but she was annoying and sang ‘Walking on Sunshine’ and I hate that song;
  • Madonna look alike, wanting to be Freddie Mercury’s love child - that probably wasn’t going to happen! But asking her to sing a Freddie song was probably a bit mean;
  • A pedantic point for one hopeful, but you can't be a Single Parent Mum - all mothers are single parent mums!
  • And for the one singing a Duffy song - skin tight cut-offs aren't meant to be baggy at the knee, (oh, and you can't sing either)
  • Not a good version of ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ - if you want to hear how it should be sung … (I think if Cheryl had known she would get a hug, she might have said No!)


Or even better



I live next to a park and at this time of year there are a lot of visitors to the area. You see many of them arrive in huge 4x4s, park up and then spend 20 minutes unloading two tons of equipment - and then eventually, one small child. (I won’t get into the fact that they generally drive up and down for half an hour looking for a parking space three inches closer to the park gates than the first space they found).

I am sure all this equipment is vitally important and necessary, but as a small child I really don’t remember being ferried around by two servants and needing two tons of equipment to go to the park. I know parks can be treacherous places, what with all that grass and flowers all over the place, but is all this stuff absolutely necessary?

I am sure when I was a child, all we did for a trip to the park was put on a coat (in the 60s you always wore a coat) and chose a pair of gloves suitable for daytime wear. The rest was left to chance.

Friday, 20 August 2010

Milan Men's Fashion Autumn/Winter 2010/11

Milan men's fashion week autumn/winter 2010/11 - Telegraph

As we get nearer to autumn, click the link for a reminder of what to wear in the coming season - check out the gallery - how far will you go?

New Clothes

Have you ever noticed that whenever you buy a new shirt\pair of trousers\shoes etc, when you are at the till paying for your new clothes that the assistant always says something like’ That’s a lovely shirt’\’nice pair of shoes etc.

It must be part of their training as they always say it, but why do they do it?
I could understand if they said it when you were looking or trying things on, after all it is their job to try and sell you things. But what is the point of saying it when you are at the till handing over your money?

How are you supposed to respond to the statement ‘That’s a really lovely shirt’?
You can’t say, ‘Well actually I preferred that one over there, but I thought I would buy this one’, or ‘No, I don’t think it is, the colour really drains me’!

So I am at a loss, all I can do is agree with the assistant and say ‘yes it is a nice shirt’. Seems like a waste of time to me!

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Peter Barlow

I have blogged about wearing denim on several occasions in the past.
Wearing denim is so popular as to be almost universal, so why then do so many people get it so wrong, so often.

To be clear there are different rules for men and women, and I confine myself, on this occasion, to comments about men wearing denim.
Men over 40 should only wear denim jeans that are dark blue, regular cut, no embellishments, no adornments, no rips.

If you are over 40 and you have a pair of faded blue denim jeans, throw them out immediately, they make you look like you are an attendant on a fair ground attraction.
Denim jackets (for men) are for 17 year olds only. (There is a grey area for men in their 20s, but I will come back to fashion for men in their 20s in a later blog).

A man wearing a denim jacket is announcing to the world he is over 40. So if you are in your 30s and have it in mind that you are approaching 40 - be aware of this …

…If you have a favourite denim jacket you put on every time you leave the house, you have already made the leap - you are 40!

And then there is that greatest of abominations - double denim. There are no circumstances where it is advisable, permissible or desirable to wear double denim (a denim jacket with denim jeans). Temptation to fall into this tragic look can be avoided by throwing away any denim jacket you own (I was going to suggest giving your denim jackets to the homeless, but they have probably suffered enough!)

If I bump into you in town and you are wearing double denim I will probably faint.
If you have any doubts about how not to wear denim then check out Peter Barlow in Coronation Street.

On Monday’s episode (I think it was Monday, I never know when it is on these days as ITV1 keep moving it around) Peter was wearing double denim, the jacket too small and, for goodness sake, with the collar up. This, added to the dreadful jeans, gave him a very dated sad, old look.

X Factor

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Coffee Beans

I noticed in Fenwick’s Delicatessen today a new counter selling coffee. The stand was unattended with a sign on the wall inviting customers ’to grind your own coffee’.

What’s that all about? If I am going to pay £3 for an ounce of coffee (or whatever it costs these days) I am not going to grind it myself. Next thing you know there will be a sign saying ’pick your own coffee beans and pay us for doing it’! Flaming cheek!

Monday, 16 August 2010

Ashley Cole

Talking of footballers in trouble - what on earth is Ashley up to?

You know me, none of this is any of my business and I never comment - but really, what were you thinking about that last one - if you think she looks like Cheryl - well, she doesn't. I look like Cheryl more than she does!

Don't you just love the start of a new season - and there is football starting as well!

Peter Crouch

More trouble for Peter Crouch, just when Abbey had decided to forgive him and give him another chance, more photos of drunken Peter with another lady hit the tabloids.

This latest humiliation shows a drunken Peter in a Spanish nightclub wearing pink shorts ...

... 'sorry what was that?' oh apparently that wasn't the humiliation - the humiliation was being caught groping another couple of blondes.

This puts Abbey in a difficult position because if she leaves Peter she won't be allowed to be a Wag anymore - and she really, really wants to be a one.

It's all a pity really - I quite like Abbey, now if only she could meet some one nice and reliable like John Terry things would be much better for her.

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Alesha Dixon

Alesha Dixon was on the John Barrowman thing singing a song. She said she was so happy to be on TV after such a long absence and it was great publicity for her return to Strictly in a few weeks. Sorry did she not say that? Oh that’s right she said it was such an honour for her to be able to sing a duet with some nameless member of the public that couldn’t sing.

Sometimes my ‘Celebrity translator’ switches itself on without my knowing!

Friday, 13 August 2010

Karaoke and Corky

Had a bit of a night out in Leeds during the week to mark the departure of Mr Corky. Went to a karaoke bar to sing a few tunes. I have never been to such a place before so it was a bit of an adventure.

I promised to leave to occasion a blog free affair and I will keep to that more, or less, but couldn’t let the occasion pass without any comment.

First up was one of our office colleagues and he started to sing ‘Rock and Roll Suicide’, which happens to be one of my favourite songs. I mentioned this to my friend I was chatting to and he said he had never heard of it.

This took me back a bit as it is an absolute classic. ‘How could you have missed out on such a great song’ I asked ’What were you doing in 1972?’

He looked at me and said ’In 1972 my mum was eight years old!’

Some people can be so brutal!

Hearing the song again took me back so have been getting out all my old Bowie tunes …

… so if you are under 30 you probably missed out on a musical genius why not make a start as a Bowie Absolute Beginner

That might be a bit too modern for you and prefer the earlier Bowie stuff - so if you want to see\hear what was new and I was listening to and buying when I was 15 - try this one The Jean Genie

Thursday, 12 August 2010


Would the person who used the word 'de-duplicated' in a memo please stop it. There is no such word.

I think the phrase you are looking for is 'removed duplication'.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Mr Corky

Well it is a fond farewell to my colleague and friend in the Leeds office Mr Corky. He is off to a new role in somewhere or other – he told me what it was, but I wasn’t really listening – anyway he will be sadly missed.

Mr Corky has a penchant (or is it a predilection, I am not sure I will have to look it up) for wearing a tie and on occasion a pocket square. In tribute to our friend leaving, lots of his colleagues (who sadly no longer wear ties on a regular basis) have been wearing ties and pocket squares to mark this particular occasion.

It has been a sterling effort with lots of example of people going to an enormous effort, with some of our office friends spending a whole £1 on a tie for the day. Also a significant number of our lady friends (when I say lady friends I don’t mean – well you do know what I mean) also wearing ties.
Well done all.

Sadly the effort in the pocket square department is less inspiring, although there have been some inventive efforts with even a makeshift post-it being worn in top pockets.
Special mention has to be made to my friend who has paper clipped a serviette (I specifically won’t call it a napkin) to her cardigan. I applaud your effort, but really!

And Mr Jack – who it has to be said has made the greatest effort with suit, shirt, tie and authentic pocket square complete with monogram – how can I describe the overall effect …

… I don’t know if I can.

Less or Fewer

I see some mandarin in the Ministry of Justice has issued a letter to all staff telling them to be prepared for big job cuts. She goes on to say that in the future, ‘there will be less of us’.

No there will not, there might be ‘fewer of us’, but there will not be ‘less of us’.

Mixing usage of less and fewer is a familiar trap. In case you are tempted to fall into it, the rule is quite simple, use ‘less’ when the thing you are describing is not easily divisible and counted, (also words that don’t have a plural like money or air) as in ‘there was less water than I expected’ or ‘there will be less sunshine tomorrow’.

Use fewer when referring to people or things to say ‘there were fewer milk bottles on doorsteps today’ or ‘People these days are buying fewer newspapers

John Terry

I see GMTV have an interview with Vanessa Peroncell (you will remember she was the lady going out with Wayne Bridge until she had an affair with John Terry). GMTV ever the professional journalistic organisation decide to broadcast he interview on the day England meet Hungary in a friendly in preparation for the European qualifiers.

I am sure this was intended to cause a bit of a storm of controversy but GMTV have made a couple of mis-calculations:

· No-one will be watching England play tonight
· We have all forgotten who Vanessa Peroncell is\was
· John Terry has forgotten who Vanessa Peroncell is\was

Tuesday, 10 August 2010


Bit of a delay getting into Leeds this morning. As I sat down on the train and we pulled out of the station, it was announced that the Leeds train would not be stopping in Leeds. It would however be stopping in Sheffield.

Now I have nothing against Sheffield, but when you are going to Leeds, having the chance to go to Sheffield doesn’t really help.

The announcement went on to explain the reason – someone had stolen some overhead cables outside of Leeds so the train couldn’t stop there.

It all sounds rather dangerous to me, but I suppose if you wear Wellington Boots and thick rubber gloves you should be all right.

But how many overhead cables were removed? I don’t know what the scrap value is, but I guess you would probably need to take quite a lot to make it worth your while.

Probably about four tons of the stuff should do it. And four tons of overhead cable would be quite heavy, well it must weigh what, oh I don’t know, at least four tons.

Then how do you get it home? You will need at least a couple of carrier bags.

This all looks like amateurs to me, there must be easier ways to make a living. So if you don’t mind, would you please put it back so I can get into the office at the time I planned!

Monday, 9 August 2010

Misplaced Modifiers

One of my pet peeves is a misplaced modifier, as in "She only eats vegetables," which means, I suppose, that she doesn't use them for sporting goods and other purposes.

Of course, it should be "She eats only vegetables" which means that she is a vegetarian or, perhaps even a vegan.

To show how the meaning of a sentence is altered by the position of only, consider the following:

(a) "Only Jane likes John on Fridays."
This means that no one but Jane likes John on Fridays.

(b) "Jane only likes John on Fridays."
Jane likes (but does not love) John on Fridays.

(c) "Jane likes only John on Fridays. "
Jane likes no-one but John on Fridays .

(d) "Jane likes John on Fridays only."
Jane likes John on Fridays but not during the rest of the week.

(e) "Jane likes John only on Fridays."
This is ambiguous. It could mean the same as (c) or (d).

Peter Crouch

I see Peter Crouch has been caught in flagrante delicto with a lady of the night at a cost of 1,000 euros in some nightclub in Madrid. Interviewed by one of our national newspapers she said Peter was very nice, and much nicer than Spanish footballers. She didn’t like the Spanish footballers as they were quite rough and called her a whore.

Errm, I’m not quite sure how to put this pet, but …

Oh and Peter, I think you now have to have what the media calls 'a showdown' with Abbey, but don't worry you aren't married so it will be fine - she will stand by her man.

Saturday, 7 August 2010


I am persevering with contact lenses. Always thought I couldn't wear them because of the 'finger in your eye' thing, but I am getting used to it. Been trying them for a couple of weeks and back to the opticians today to see how I am getting on with them.

Has been ok, but taking them out is easier than putting them in. Optician says that is because I have long eyelashes, I thought that was a little forward, but I shall take it as a compliment.

Now this weeks challenge - to wear them for a night out and then take them out after I have had two halves of lager!

Tip of the Day

Now and again I like to give a little advice on things you might like to think about wearing and things that you might like to think about not wearing.

Tip for those occasions where you find yourself at a social gathering in the country - remember, no diamonds in the country.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell is giving evidence at a trial in The Hague today. Miss Campbell has won a ban on photographers taking pictures of her arriving and leaving the trial.

Not sure I understand this – there must be millions of photos of Naomi in existence, we all know what she looks like.

On the other hand, I am sick of the sight of her, so can we get the ban extended to beyond the trial?

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Justin Bieber

I see Justin Bieber is releasing his first memoir! How can this be – he is only 10 years old and just learned joined up writing.

There really should be a law about writing your memoirs before you have done anything.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010


As you may have picked up from the theme of some of my blogs – I am on a bit of a one man mission to re-order and change some of the things in everyday life. Things like words and phrases that I think should be removed from usage, and also things that really shouldn’t have been invented.
I have now realised that my scope is a bit limited, and my guidance and advice is needed on a much wider scale. I have come to the conclusion that the Universe needs to be re-ordered.

Now don’t get me wrong, the Universe is very nice and in many ways it is well designed and I like the consistency of the laws of physics, but there are some areas where improvements could be made.

For example, take our Solar System, nine planets of varying sizes orbiting around the sun. Which sounds fine, but when you look at the differing sizes of the planets with Jupiter the largest in the middle and tiny Pluto in the far off distance, the whole look is disjointed and uneven. It would be much better if the planets were in size order with the smallest nearest to the sun with the largest as the outermost planet. This would give a much more pleasing view when looked at from the sun. The solar system would then look like this Pluto, Mercury, Mars, Venus, Earth, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn and lastly Jupiter.

And while the planets are being re-ordered we could address the issue of the space between the planets. At the minute, the planets are scattered in a rather random fashion across the solar system. This means having to remember lots of different numbers when calculating distances and understanding the relationships between the planets.

It would be much easier if the planets were positioned at regular distances apart. Obviously you would have to take account of gravitational pull, so equal distances wouldn’t work, so my design would be to have incremental distances between the planets. So the space between the two inner planets (newly positioned Pluto and Mercury) would be 50 million miles, with the distance between Mercury and Mars being set at 60 million miles and so on for all the planets.
This would make calculation of travelling distances, planning for rocket fuel consumption etc much simpler to do when there is more manned space travel. It would also give a nice landscape, sweeping effect as the planets become larger and the distance between them increases in a uniform manner.

While this is being arranged, there are some ‘quick wins’ that could be done now, for example, for the Earth, if the angle of the planet's rotation could be adjusted a little and the sun pushed back a bit, the sun wouldn't be quite so bright on winter days when you are trying to drive to and from work.

Monday, 2 August 2010


I am all for clear instructions, but really on a small plastic box with holes in the top and containing chocolate powder, I think most people could manage without these instructions!