Saturday, 20 October 2018


Agatha was at the Patisserie ...

'Morning dear' I said 'I'll have my usual when you have a minute.' I thought I would strike up a little conversation while Agatha got my things. 'I was talking to Deidre Catchpole in the week' I said

'Were you?' said Agatha as she put my loaf through the slicer

'Yes, You know her don't you, she comes in here.'

'Oh yes, I know Deidre, she is one of my nice customers.'

'Well, she was saying as how she had been to that shop on the high street, you know the one, the one that does sandwiches while you wait and will put a sausage roll in a paper bag if you ask them, well she was saying she was in there and she asked for a bacon roll with an egg in it. And the woman said you want an egg roll? and Deidre said no she wanted a bacon roll with an egg in it, well the woman said that would make it an egg roll, no Deidre said she wanted egg and bacon in the roll at the same time and the woman said why didn't she say so in the first place and anyway the woman said they don't do egg and bacon rolls but they do do bacon and egg rolls, so Deidre said that would have to do so she bought it.'

Agatha was standing behind the counter and she took a deep sigh as she listened.

'Are you all right, you look a bit worn out, you should take it easy.' I said

With that I paid for my items and left. I wonder what she meant by "she is one of her nice customers".

Saturday, 13 October 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Bruno fell off his chair;
  • Eugenie got married;
  • Camilla had some shopping to do so couldn't go to the wedding;
  • Seann has had better weeks;
  • Some people will be dancing on ice; 
  • Westlife are going to sing some more tunes; 
  • Helen is going to be Catherine; 
  • Katie’s horse box has a dint in it – or is it a dent?; 
  • Katie thought ‘these rooms with the windows at the top of the walls aren’t very big’; 
  • Katie thought ‘there is a right draught coming from under that door’; 
  • the Queen arrived at a wedding at 10:52;
  • the Queen said 'I'm  ot hanging around here all day, I need to get to Chepstow for the 2:30';
  • Camilla thought ‘oh I’m not trailing all the way to Windsor of a Friday, the traffic will be a nightmare’; 
  • Thierry got a new job; and
  • Harry needs a new pair of shoes.


Agatha was at the Patisserie ...

'Morning dear' I said 'I'll have my usual when you have a minute.'

'How did your special go down last week, was the vicar impressed?'

'No not so much, the bread roll fell off, and he said it just looked like a loaf.'

'Oh well never mind, do you want another one?'

'err no, not really, I was watching that Bake off programme and I thought I would try a vegan cake.’

‘Oh yes, and what’s one of those then when it's at home?’ asked Agatha

‘It’s a cake you make without eggs or fat or milk.’

‘That just leaves flour, you want a bag of flour?’

‘No I want a cake, you use other things instead … things you don’t get from animals.’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know, just things … sort of vegany things.’
‘Vegany things?’


‘Like what?’

‘You already asked me that. Can you not give it a go?’

‘I don’t see how, I’ve just got the things we have already made' Agatha paused thoughtfully for a moment 'err wait a minute, I could do you a water biscuit, that’s not got any fat or eggs in it, it is sort of vegany. It would be a bit extra like, what with it being a special order.’

‘Extra .. how much?’

‘Two pounds each, I could do you four for £8 or a pack of five for £10.’

‘I’ll take a pack of five then’ I handed over my money and left.

As I left the store I heard that kerrccchhhiinngg sound again. I wonder what it is.

Saturday, 6 October 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Noel got some blond hair; and
  • Kanye got a new name;
  • Theresa thought she would quite like to have a national festival;
  • Theresa has obviously forgotten all about the Millennium; 
  • Eugenie is going to be on ITV;
  • Eugenie is going to be on after The Chase;
  • Boris ran in a field of dry grass;
  • Boris said 'Are you sure it's grass? Is it not wheat?';
  • Harry and Meghan got a new horse - sorry that should read new house;
  • Theresa had a little dance;
  • Simon might leave radio 2;
  • Simon says he's not that fussed on Jo;
  • the Queen is moving out of Buckingham palace because she is getting the builders in;
  • the Queen said 'ooh are we getting that nice ?Nick Knowles in to do the plcae up, I like him'; and 
  • Susannah said 'eeh dancing is dead hard'.


from last week ... 

'Come on then, let's see it.' I said as Agatha reached under the counter and produced an item covered with a tea towel, I watched as she removed the cloth.

'Is that it?' I said with disappointment

'What do you mean?' I worked hard on that'

'It's not what I had in mind.'

'What's wrong with it?'

'I thought it would be different.'

'It is different.'

'I was expecting a different sort of different, it's just a cottage loaf with a bread roll stuck on the top.'



'It's a farmhouse not a cottage.'

'Whatever ... it's just a loaf with a bread roll stuck on it.'

'It might be what it looks like, but imagine what your mates will say when they find out you have been buying a korovai.'

'Hhmm.' I thought

'Imagine what the vicar would say.'

'Hhmm.' I thought again

'and think of what Clarisse will say when she finds out, she will be pink with envy.'



'Green, you get green with envy not pink.'

'Well there you are then.'

'I suppose ...' I was beginning to waver 'how much did you say it was again?'

'six .... errr eight pounds.'

'That is quite expensive, I don't know.'

Agatha could sense she was losing a sale 'It is specially made' she enthused 'and it is unique ... think about the vicar.'

'All right then I'll take it.'

'Marvelous, do you want two?'

'Err no, I don't think I can afford two of your special offers.'

With that I picked up my purchases and left.

As I left the counter I heard that 'kkeeerrrcchhhiiiinnnggg' sound again, I wonder what it is. 

Saturday, 29 September 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • the Queen finished her summer holiday;
  • the Queen said 'I hate Monday mornings';
  • Tiger won a trophy;
  • Tiger said 'eeh I've not won anything for ages';
  • David got some new hair;
  • some people thought they would quite like to be apprentices;
  • Roman can't live in Switzerland;
  • David made a window for the Queen;
  • the Queen said, 'our mam swore by newspaper and vinegar for cleaning windows';
  • Theresa went to Birmingham; 
  • Theresa said ‘ehh up’; 
  • Boris wrote one of his little letters; 
  • Theresa said ‘eeh that Boris’; 
  • the Queen had a new TV programme; 
  • the Queen watched her new TV programme; 
  • the Queen said ‘I’m not in it much am I?’; and
  • Cher brought out some new tunes - well old tunes but ones she sings.


Agatha was at the Patisserie ...

'Morning dear' I said 'I'll have my usual when you have a minute.'

'Actually I have a bit of a surprise for you.' said Agatha

'Oh yes?'

'I watched that Bake off thing on catch up and I've knocked up a korovai ... err skillfully prepared and baked a korovai that is.' she corrected


'Yes, just for you, special like.'

'I'm very impressed, how much is that then?'

'I had to get special ingredients.'

'How much?'

'and they weren't cheap.'

'How much?'

'I had to go up the high street for some of them.'

'How much?'

'And I had to do it in my own time.'

'How much?'

'6 .. err £8.'

'How much!' I exclaimed 'That's a bit steep.'

'Wait till you see it.'

'Come on then, let's see it.' I said Agatha reached under the counter and produced an item covered with a tea towel, as I watched she removed the cloth.

to be continued ...

Saturday, 22 September 2018

Celebrity Week

This week's celebrity news:
  • Richard met the Dalai Lama;
  • Theresa watched some television;
  • Theresa said 'what ever happened to that nice Trinny and Susanna?';
  • Victoria went to a party;
  • Victoria went dancing at a party;
  • Victoria was dancing to Spice Girls tunes;
  • Victoria needs some new music;
  • Victoria had a bad head;
  • some people won EMMYs;
  • Theresa held a London Fashion Week party - I'm not kidding, that is what is says here;
  • Theresa went to Salzburg;
  • Theresa said 'eeh isn't that a coincidence my favorite crisps are salt n vinegar'; and
  • Lee got a parking ticket.


Agatha was at the Patisserie ...

'Morning dear' I said 'I'll not have my usual this week, what with the Bake off being back on, I think I will have something different.'

'That's not back on again is it?'

'I thought you would have liked it?'

'What do I want to watch that for, I spend all day baking stuff, I don't want more when I get home.'

'I suppose not.'  I conceded

'People coming in here with fancy ideas, like you last year, wanting an opera cake.'

'Opera cakes aren't fancy.'

'How have I got time to make an opera cake of a Saturday morning.' said Agatha ignoring my protestations

'I was only asking if you had one.'

'Well I didn't, what do you want.'

'I was thinking of a Korovai.'

'What's one of them when they are at home.'

'It's a Ukrainian wedding cake.'

'Are you getting married?'


'What you want one of them for then?'

'I just thought it would be nice.'

'I haven't got any.'

'Could you make one?'


'Go on.'


'Go on.'

'Look, I'm not making one.'

'I'll have my usual then.'

Sometimes I don't think that woman has any imagination.